DIAMOND GEEZER WINS LANDSLIDE ELECTION

Danny Dyer, Eton-educated descendent of the legendary statesman Thomas Cromwell, follows in his family’s footsteps following his General Election victory. He is expected to move into the Prime Minister’s residence, affectionately known as “The Manor”, by the end of the week. Like the Cromwells before them, the Dyers have a proud tradition of public service, with Dyer’s grandfather and great-grandfather both representing Canning Town in parliament.