Photo Stories
After her mother’s death, Celine Marchbank used photography to help with the grief. Amy Davies discovers more about this poignant project
Amy Davies speaks to Celine Marchbank about a poignant project
As photographers, we often find that image-making seeps into every area of our lives. When we’re faced with extraordinarily difficult times, we turn to our passion.
Such was the case for photographer Celine Marchbank, whose project ‘A Stranger in My Mother’s Kitchen’ documents the period after her mother’s death in 2010. The eponymous kitchen was part of Celine’s childhood home in Camden. She moved back to her old home for a few months, and while clearing the house, she discovered a set of recipes.
At first, Celine thought of her work as a ‘non-photography’ project. She explains, ‘When my mother [chef Sue Miles] died, my most immediate memories were the horrendous cancer treatments and the stressful, anxious times from the last 12 months. I was hounded by bad memories; I found it really hard to think about photography – everything felt so trivial.
‘I even felt I wanted to give up photography – it was a hard time. So when I discovered my mum’s recipes it didn’t feel like a photography project, more a way to connect with her. Smells and tastes brought back memories like nothing else. When I cooked her food, the smells filled my head with fond memories, I felt like a child again being fed by mother. It was this beautiful part of the process I wanted to record, which took my mind away from the grief and the bad memories.’
The project’s title comes from a piece of Celine’s writing. ‘I found writing an effective way to understand the pain I was going through. I started to write when my mother was ill and dying; it became a way to make sense of it all. So after her death, this yearn to make sense was stronger than ever. The “stranger” was not me, but the grief. Grief is something you do not invite into your life, yet it is a prominent presence. I realised it was something I would have to get to know as it was never going to fully go away. It changes you.’
As well as cooking, Celine visited the USA, where Sue Miles grew up, and Rome, where the family had spent time living during Celine’s childhood. It was there that she took the sunflowers image (right). She says, ‘ This is one of the last images I shot. I had gone to Rome for the first time since living there as a child. I had driven out to a lake we used to go swimming in; driving back along a country road surrounded by sunflowers, I realised every single one was facing away from me. It struck me that’s what grief feels like, like life is happening elsewhere over there – you feel trapped at the back and not sure how to get back there. The fact I could visualise it, to me, felt like I fully understood my grief; it was no longer a stranger and it didn’t dictate any more. After that trip, I felt a release.’
Personal project
A ‘Stranger in my Mother’s Kitchen’ was exhibited at Hull International Photography Festival (HIPFest) in October 2018. Celine is also working on a project of the book. Although highly personal for Celine, most can identify with the project. ‘ The process of reviewing all the images and words made me realise just how bad I was feeling in 2010, and how different I feel now, and that’s a good feeling. The reason I want to publish a book is to celebrate my mother and her food history, and to also start a conversation about grief. Unfortunately we will all experience this at some time in our lives, and we don’t speak enough about it. The work has had an incredible response and support so far; it’s been lovely to have so many open and honest discussions about it.’