Only you can judge if you are ready for commitment
HAS there ever been a time when you felt that you weren’t ready to commit to a relationship? Perhaps you were getting over a previous break-up or you needed a clearer sense of your own identity before embarking on a shared journey with another.
Lots of different factors influence our readiness to commit to a relationship. Practicalities such as changing career, moving to a new area or becoming newly single can make us less likely to commit.
Research suggests that having a relationship history characterised by frequent heartbreak, a lack of fulfilment and needy or controlling partners also quashes the desire to commit.
It’s important to be mindful of both your own and prospective partners’ readiness to commit when seeking out long-term romantic connections. Relationships have a greater chance of success when both parties are on the same wavelength in believing the time is right to commit.
Research has shown that readiness to commit is a predictor of both initiating a relationship and overall relationship quality. A recent study among college students found that commitment readiness was linked to active pursuit of a partner and openness to romantic advances, as well as feeling more equipped to deal with the demands of your partner and willingness to invest time and energy in the relationship.
There’s no simple way of knowing if the time is right; only you can judge whether you are ready to commit to a relationship. However, here are some signs that your partner isn’t ready to make the leap.
You feel anxious in their absence:
The strongest relationships are those that bring out the best in both parties. If you find yourself feeling anxious, lost or empty when your beau isn’t around, it could be a sign this isn’t a mutual love connection.
If you’re the one doing the chasing:
This could indicate that lust and attraction are the driving forces behind your desire to spend time with this person. If they’re ready to commit then they are more likely to make themselves available for you, share their interests with you and generally make an effort to include you in other areas of their lives.
You don’t actually know that much about them:
Meeting a dark, mysterious stranger might be an enticing prospect but it’s not a recipe for long-term attachment. If the excitement is wearing off and you feel the other person is withholding information about themselves, it could mean they’re not ready to commit to you.
Dr Ellie Milby is a counselling psychologist