Daughter’s struggle to grieve at losing mum in lockdown
AN Ashbourne woman has spoken of her mother’s heartbreaking suicide – and the struggle to grieve due to lockdowns.
Emma Knight, 42, who lives in Ashbourne with her partner, three children and foster daughter, lost her mother on April 8 last year – weeks into England’s first coronavirus lockdown.
Emma said: “I got a call at about 5.30am from my sister telling me. My stepdad had gone into the front room and just found her barely alive. When the ambulance came they were able to revive her and take her to the Royal Derby Hospital but it was too late.”
Patricia Staley, who lived in Hartington, was 67 when she died after taking an overdose.
Emma said: “She had suffered with mental health issues for as long as I can remember and she was never properly diagnosed. She knew how to play the system and how to get the right boxes ticked but I would say that she had a split personality disorder.
“What we couldn’t get our head around is that she had talked about committing suicide a few times before, but each time she had made a really big fuss over it because I think they were cries for help and afterwards she would get the help.
“But this time there was absolutely nothing whatsoever to make us think that this was going to happen, so I was in total shock when the call from my sister came through.”
Emma said that the implications of coronavirus lockdowns on society had also affected her grieving.
She said: “Lockdown has made the grieving process a lot harder because I hadn’t been able to see my mum for a few months before she died because she was shielding, but the support services available to help me were all over the phone and so it was a real struggle.
“We did have a very small funeral for her, there were only 12 of us allowed but it was actually a nice funeral and she had a horse-drawn carriage which was one of her wishes so that was nice.
“But we weren’t able to have the proper church service that she would have wanted so at some point this year we definitely want to have a proper memorial service for her.”
Emma said her loss has inspired her to help other people going through a similar situation.
In May, she will be climbing Snowdon in Wales to raise money for Child Bereavement UK.
Emma said: “I decided to do this fundraiser in December because I suffer from fibromyalgia and I had a rough year with that because the stress around the loss of my mum made it flare up really bad.
“So I decided that I needed a goal to work towards and I’m going to be doing the climb on May 22.
“I joined a Facebook group for people who have lost someone to suicide and it’s ridiculous how many go through it because there is someone new joining every day.
“Child Bereavement UK have tailored services for children who have lost parents to suicide, but they also offer support for parents who have lost their children, too.”
Emma will be completing the challenge alongside her valley bulldog Eddie and her partner Lesley Marriott, 52.
She said: “I’ve been doing training for a while now. I started off doing half a mile walks, then a mile and I did eight miles the other day.
“I’m not sure how many miles the climb will be but I know that it’s six hours there and back. I picked Snowdon because I think with my fibromyalgia it’ll be manageable. Me and my dog Eddie will be doing the walk but my partner will be coming with me for safety.”
Emma hopes her fundraising effort may improve the experience of others who lose family members to suicide.
She said: “I think there’s a lack of understanding around mental health still, but also a lack of resources which I think is down to funding.
“I really struggled with the grief as an adult and with the questions that you’re left with when someone you love commits suicide, so I just don’t know how children going through the same thing cope.”
Emma has set a fundraising target of £250, which people can donate towards via her fundraising page at uk.gofundme.com/f/emmy-andeddies-snowdon-hike
If you are struggling, there are many organisations there to help. Samaritans are there 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Call free on 116 123. Other methods of contact at samaritans.org.