The Rules
GET CAMERA READY, whether you’re a filler queen or a cheap hoe contouring with Vaseline. Just avoid chemical peels. You should be red carpet realness not
red- faced rawness, dear
MAKE AN ENTRANCE. Everyone needs to know that you have arrived. Even if it means leaving your dignity at the door! Who are we kidding, we kicked that boring bitch to the
curb years ago, she was holding us back
ICE, ICE BABY. Bring on the bling. Like all the important things in life (* cough* penises) the bigger, the better. Your gems ( i. e. whatever you’ve managed
to snaffle from Claire’s) should be so OTT that you can’t clap properly
REMEMBER: IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU! Practise your “I totally should have won, but I’m totally fine” face. Ah, fuck it. This is your night, you are the centre of the universe,
don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
REMEMBER: WHAT HAPPENS AT THE PARTY, STAYS AT THE PARTY. You wake up the next day, hungover to hell, you’ve lost a filling, and the number one trending
topic is # Who Bit Beyoncé. Shiiit
NOW… ROCK THE RED CARPET. No one cares about the actual ceremony, it’s all about turning out a killer look for the paps. Talking of carpets, ensure yours is trimmed for high- class hooker chic
BYOB. If your awards event is dry as a nun’s you- know- what, bring the inebriated fun. But let everyone know with an attention- grabbing bedazzled hip flask, obvs
THE WORLD IS WATCHING. Own it. Give the performance of your life. Don’t let them forget you are the queen, ain’t nobody bringing you down tonight. Oh, wait…
FIND THE AFTER- PARTAY! It’s where the real shit goes down