LIFE LESSONS
Writer, producer, actor, DJ/ musician and( phew) drag queen
Drag queen Greg Scarnici
Sometimes the best things in life happen by accident. Like an unplanned pregnancy. In 2009, Greg Scarnici unexpectedly went into labour with alterego Levonia Jenkins,
a bearded genderbender who has been crowned Fire Island’s worst drag queen four times. American Greg, 46, has racked up more than 10 million YouTube views for his music video parodies, and scored acting roles in the likes
of 30 Rock and A Star Is Born.
The all- round multi- hyphenate currently mines comedy gold as an associate producer on longrunning US TV series Saturday
Night Live, and his second collection
of essays, Dungeons and Drag Queens,
has recently been published.
@ GregScarnici I like my tea iced. Like the Ziploc bags fi lled with ice I put on my bunions after getting out of drag, and the frozen margaritas I sip to dull the pain MY FRIEND TAUGHT
ME HOW TO TUCK AND I REMEMBER WISHING
I HAD BABY BALLS. I WILL NEVER FORGET THE HORROR OF TRYING TO STUFF MY NUGGETS INSIDE MYSELF AS HE TRIED
HIS BEST NOT TO BE MORTIFIED COACHING ME THROUGH IT If I learnt one thing about myself while writing my book, it’s that I make a hideous cover model The best thing about doing drag is making people think about gender norms while they’re screaming “YAAAASSS QUEEN.” The worst? Everything else! My most treasured memory from Fire Island is the time I found a bag of coke on my way to the underwear party. On a more serious note, it was the time the community held a candlelight vigil after the shooting at Pulse. Seeing the entire town come together for a moment of silence will stay with me for the rest of my life FIVE TOP TIPS TO SURVIVE FIRE ISLAND: 1) DO NOT REPLY TO PNPBB- ONLY’S 9,000 GRINDR MESSAGES
2) DRINK LOTS OF
WATER 3) GARGLE WITH LISTERINE AFTER EACH OF YOUR FIVE HOOK
UPS 4) BRING FLATS AND NOT HIGH HEELS WHEN YOU SPONTANEOUSLY DECIDE TO GET INTO DRAG 5) REPEAT # 1 AD NAUSEAM I once fucked a guy on top of a garbage can on a boardwalk I inadvertently found out I was funny when, aged six, I told my parents I wanted to be Wonder Woman for Halloween Many of us focus on negativity when dark clouds come into our lives, but getting your mind off your problems through laughter changes that focus, allowing your natural healing capabilities to surface. I’ve practised yoga and meditation for 20 years – I’m more than just an average- looking face, you know
Happiness looks like 10 inches. Hey, I’ll even take eight... or seven. But six is just whatevs. And five is like: OH, LORD, THIS IS A JOKE. Four? I mean, come on. Yes, I am talking about snowstorms, which instil me with child- like wonder and joy Six months ago, I found myself crying during a dog food commercial and realised I had to get off [ PrEP drug] Truvada because it was making me depressed. True story My most prized possessions are my common- law husband of 25 years, Paul, and our cat, Venus. They’re possessions, right? Or maybe just possessed SKYDIVING, TRAVELLING TO MACHU PICCHU, THE GALAPAGOS ISLANDS, GREECE AND SPAIN, AND BECOMING AN EGOT [ WINNER OF AN EMMY, GRAMMY, OSCAR AND A TONY] ARE ALL ON MY BUCKET LIST — WHY NOT DREAM BIG? OH,
AND TAKING TWO DICKS AT
THE SAME TIME Love is never having to block someone on Scruff Dungeons and Drag Queens: Fire Island Through the Eyes of its Worst Drag Queen is out now