DARREN STYLES OBE, & GILLIAN
Mum’s the word for Attitude MD Darren Styles OBE, 54, as he reflects on coming out to his mother Gillian, 79, at a time when LGBTQ rights were non- existent
Do you remember coming out to your mum?
D: Crystal clear. It was quite late, I was in my early 30s and living in my own place. I went to see my mum, my dad and my brother, and spilt it out.
G: His father took it better than I did. He knew more gay people than me. I sat in the chair all night, coming to terms with it.
D: People made assumptions at that time about HIV and Aids, and mum’s first thoughts were, “He’s going to die.” I said to her: “If you want to discuss anything, call me any time.” At 5.30 the following morning, she rang [ laughs].
G: I didn’t understand any of it.
D: She explained all that she didn’t know: does this mean you’re going to get Aids? Does this mean you go to gay bars? Does this mean you’ll meet rent boys? All driven from everything she’d seen or read. You think your kid is going to have a terrible life. What are you particularly proud of your mum for?
D: When I was born, it was illegal to be gay. When I was at school, the age of consent was inequal, Thatcher’s Section 28 was there. When you’ve grown up in a different era, it takes adjustment, and if it takes adjustment for someone of my age, obviously for someone of mum’s age, it’s an even bigger step. Once she got over the initial shock, she was brilliant.
G: I get on with people, any sort, it doesn’t matter how old or young, until they step over the line! What advice would you give to your younger self?
D: Come out earlier, don’t waste a moment. I can’t remember the exact quote, I read it on a coffee cup — don’t laugh – and it said: “I spent too long living a life I thought somebody else wanted me to live and not enough time actually being me.” Can you single out a moment where the queer community has lifted you up?
D: The Attitude Awards in 2012. It was incredibly stressful, and about two weeks before, the phone went. It was a kid crying, a young lad who had realised he was gay and couldn’t bring himself to tell his mum. I told him that 99 per cent of the time it turned out fine, and that we’d be here for him whatever happened. Two days later, he called back, he’d told his mum and it was amazing. I invited the pair of them to the awards, and as I did my opening speech, I picked a spot in the distance and realised that I was looking at them both. They were crying. That was a bit special.