THE RULES

For power dress­ing

Attitude - - This issue -

SAY GOOD­BYE TO SANDY AND YOUR SWEATER SET.

You’re a bad bi­atch now. Re­stock your wardrobe with

clothes that re­quire a lubricant to slip into.

Grease is the word!

NO MONEY? Don’t worry about it, sis, make your own clob­ber if needs be. You’ll be look­ing purr­fect and fe­line fine

in no time. Claws op­tional. BE DROP DEAD IN RED. Show off your swerves in a sexy scar­let num­ber. Then take a long, hard look in the mir­ror and ask yourself,

“Why the hell am I fuck­ing a rab­bit?”

SUIT UP. Go to work in your power loader and you can bet your bottom dol­lar that Debs from ac­counts won’t steal your tuna sarnie again: “Get

away from my sand­wich, bitch!”

NOW UN­DRESS TO THRILL. All those gym ses­sions are start­ing to pay off, bruv. Check out those abs. Right, back to the task at hand, where

did I leave my axe…

WHAT DOES YOUR DRESS SAY ABOUT YOU?

De­signer only please — even psy­chopaths have style. Picking the per­fect lewk is al­ways a ‘ mare though be­cause of all them voices in your head

SPEAKING OF PUSSIES… keep your un­der­wear drawer closed. Free­ball it. Look your vic­tim in­tently in the eye, slowly un­cross your legs, let­ting a hairy, wrinkly tes­ti­cle tum­ble down, then cross back over again. Femme fa­tale master­class com­plete CHOOSE YOUR ACCESSORIE­S WISELY. Guess what, hun, not ev­ery­thing goes with a chain­saw

BE TWO- FACED — MASK! Scream, Michael My­ers, Han­ni­bal Lecter… those guys ( and gals) re­ally did dress to kill. Best served with fava beans and a nice chi­anti

SEP­TEM­BER 2019

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