ROSS MATHEWS

Drag show stalwart Ross Mathews tells Attitude about his life on screen, feeling lucky, being the “wrong sort of gay” and his plans for love and retirement

The Drag Race fave and Attitude Awards host gets personal

It’s difficult to remember a time when RuPaul’s Drag Race wasn’t a mainstay of gay — and now wider — culture, and within that, it’s tricky to recall a time when one of Ru’s judging panel squirrel- friends wasn’t the adorable Ross Mathews.

The TV personality, who turns 40 in September, joined the show in 2015, sharing a spot with Carson Kressley, but his big break came on ratings juggernaut The Tonight Show with Jay Leno in 2001, when he was working as an intern while studying at college. Showbiz- obsessed from a young age ( he cites talk- show host Rosie O’Donnell as an influence), his ambition was always to interview celebrities, the comedy side of things just happened. “People were laughing whenever I talked and I thought: ‘ Oh, that’s what I’m doing now? OK’.”

Embracing his unintentional humour, Ross was given the opportunity to appear in front of the camera with Leno — as Ross the Intern — reporting from star- studded events such as the Oscars and Grammys ( and once shadowing zookeepers at Santa Barbara Zoo).

“I went from delivering the mail, working for free one day, to being put on TV the next,” he recalls as we chat post- shoot in a hotel lush suite at The Standard DTLA, Los Angeles. “Everyone thought it would be a one- time gimmick but in my head, it was the start of my decades- long career.

“It was a weird transition because I was only 20, and there I was getting to interview the people I’d dreamt of interviewing my entire life and doing it on the biggest late- night talk show in America.

“That was 18 years ago and it never stopped,” Ross adds.

Despite never intending to be seen as a comic, he recognised his talent early on, after discovering he could make his dad — himself the comedian among friends — laugh.

Growing up in a small farm town as “a gay cartoon version of a human being”, his aptitude for being funny was an important defence mechanism for dealing with bullies. “If people picked on me, I could really chop their dicks off pretty easily,” he says. “I felt like Zorro, ‘ swish, slash, boom’.”

But as a professional, his brand of comedy steers clear of any meanness. “I’ve never had any interest in having a victim at the end of my jokes,” he explains. “I just try to be funny and tell the truth.”

And his natural flamboyance and distinctive voice have never held him back. A supportive family and easy self- confidence allowed Ross to embrace his differences early on. “I’m a pretty simple- minded person. I remember being in elementary or middle school and thinking, ‘ OK, I can either hate my differences — my voice or whatever — or I can be all in’.

“I’m pretty lazy, and it would take way more energy to hate myself than to just shrug my shoulders and go, ‘ Oh, that’s me, let’s go’.”

Next for Ross is a new book, at least two more series of Drag Race, and, to top it all off, an evening hosting the Attitude Awards 2019…

How do you think your flamboyance and campness have affected your career?

Hollywood has been a wonderful and accepting place; California is a great place to live if you are a flamboyant gay person. But I do think that TV executives are still a little wary of putting really flamboyant gay men on television; we’ve still got a long way to go. Just look at the landscape of TV. If I were able to tone it down a bit, maybe I’d be more successful than I am. But I just am not equipped with that ability [ laughs].

When you first appeared on TV, the landscape and society were quite different in terms of attitudes towards a camp, obviously gay person.

In the States, there weren’t people like me on TV in 2001. Will & Grace had just started, and that would be it. When I was going on the Tonight Show, I remember thinking, “The audience is going to laugh at you, so prepare yourself for that because they’ve never seen this before. But just get them to laugh with you by the end.” For the first few years, that was the struggle every time I had a piece air on the show.

The perception of the comedy world is that it’s dominated largely by straight, white men. What’s it been like as a gay man?

I always thought that it was positive for me. I’ve been on shows where people would compete to be the funniest, and that was a waste of time. I thought that if I could bring my point of view to whatever stage I was on, nobody could compete and no one else would have the same joke as me. That made it easier.

It also seems less of an act for you — that you’re as happy in real life as you appear on stage or screen.

I’ve been lucky to have some amazing comic friends and you do see with some of them that there’s this happiness when they’re on stage and real darkness behind the scenes. I don’t have that. I always land just above happy, that’s my baseline. I’m not one of those people who goes dark when they’re not in the limelight. When people meet me, they’re surprised that I’m more soulful and deep than they expected. I don’t have a strong core — I like a back to my stool — but I have strong core values.

Was your fascination with showbiz a kind of escapism, as a child?

Absolutely. I would think about Hollywood as an idea rather than a tangible place. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that it literally existed, that these people existed, that it wasn’t some make- believe place. And I always knew I wanted to be a part of it, to touch it, even if just for a moment. So, everything in my adolescence was about how I was going to get there. I would’ve settled for seeing Hollywood Boulevard from a bus! I never really thought it would go this far.

Your upcoming book is called Name Drop and it’s all about those celebrity encounters — have you been storing all those stories through the years?

Well, when I was an intern, there were rules about not interacting with the guests on the show, so I started in the industry with a big separation between me and the stars. It’s taken about two decades for me to not be really nervous around celebs. This book is about when I have been able to go past the velvet rope and been invited into their natural habitats and what’s happened: good and bad. I say no celebrities have been harmed in the making of this book, but we go there. The truth is there, and some people may not be thrilled.

What’s your most embarrassing story?

I interviewed Elizabeth Taylor and accidentally called her Dame Edna because they told me beforehand to call her “dame”! There she was, and her dog was barking, and I go: “Dame Edn... Elizabeth Taylor!” It didn’t go well.

And a good one?

When Lady Gaga was on Drag Race, I was so nervous because I had made intense eye contact with her at the Golden Globes a few years earlier, when she won for American Horror Story. When she came on set, she walked out on stage and

“I always knew I wanted to be part of Hollywood, even if just for a moment”

said hi to everybody, and then she said, “Ross, I need to talk to you.” She went on to tell me a story — that people won’t believe — of her seeing me on TV just before that Golden Globes red carpet, and what it meant to her. She said she was very nervous because she felt that as a singer, she didn’t belong there among all those movie stars. She saw me on a screen and apparently I said, “I’m excited to see Lady Gaga.” And she said that in that moment, she took a deep breath and said: “I’m going to go out there for Ross, and all the other Rosses out there.” It was a real moment for me, realising, “Oh God, when you talk on TV, people are listening. Even the people you’re talking about are listening. So, watch what you say and put something good out into the world.”

Do you think those rules you had as an intern have been relaxed now, because we’re so used to seeing celebrities on social media?

Interns probably have the same rules I had, which is to be respectful and keep a clear line between you and the stars. But celebrity has changed. Because of social media, we’re pulling back the curtain a lot more on our daily lives, and celebrities are doing that as well. There was such a mystique around them before. I almost miss that kind of celebrity when I didn’t know anything other than what was on the red carpet and what was in the pages of OK! magazine. Now, we’re almost invited in, they seem much more human and we see the struggle of fame a bit more, but also we lose the allure and mystery.

You’re a celebrity in your own right now, so where do you think you sit on that scale of sharing and keeping things private?

I’m one of the lucky fans who won the golden ticket and got to be here. So, when I talk about them and us, I still feel like us, the fans. I have been on TV now for almost 20 years, so sometimes I get treated like “a them”. But I’ve never held anything back in my personal life, on social media, in my books, or anything. Just recently though, I was in a 10- year relationship and went through a break- up. That was odd to do in the public eye, then to start dating again, and have people write about that was really interesting. Suddenly, there were articles about my dating life, when I was just dipping my toe in dating and figuring myself out. I have to admit that for the first time, I kind of got what it was like over there, for them, the famous people. It made me want to pull back a bit, which is so not who I am, and it’s the antithesis of who I want to be.

Is it scary, finding yourself single?

Yes. When a relationship ends that could have gone on and on, in that kind of limbo space, and you’re alone, you start thinking: “Should I have stayed?” or “I could have just been safe there.” But I’ve always been a risk taker. What scares me is that 30 or 40 years from now, I might look back and think, “You had it made and you fucked it all up.” But I guess that’s the risk you take to find happiness.

What made you leave the relationship?

I feel Salvador will always be family, but the intimacy had run its course. It was a beautiful 10 years but it had a beginning, a middle and it had an end. We both kind of felt that if we didn’t wrap it up then, it would feel like a steak that had been on the grill for too long. It would just get tough.

Did you live together?

Oh, yeah. What’s difficult is that you build a life with people, and we had two homes that were filled with stuff. Then suddenly, you go through all of it, and you look around and your house is half empty. I still only have four forks in LA because I haven’t got around to buying new silverware yet -— I didn’t get the silverware [ laughs]. But it’s also exciting because, knowing what I know, armed with the knowledge of adulthood, and confidence, what do I want out in the world? It kind of feels like every day I’m auditioning the world to see if it’s a good fit. I feel I’m the casting director in my own life.

How different are you finding the world of dating in 2019?

Well, I was in a 10- year relationship and I had been famous for about 10 years. So, I never got to do the online dating or anything like that, and I always said I would never get on the apps because I was so embarrassed, my face didn’t fit. Then when I found myself single and looked around, I thought, “How come I don’t get to live in the world that everybody else gets to live in?” I just said fuck it and one day I made a profile, with my picture. And the world kept spinning. Nobody gave a shit. Sometimes people message and ask, “Is this really you? Prove it.” And I don’t have all day to prove it. I mean, if they’re really hot, I’ll prove it! So, I am dating a lot and I’m pretty good at it.

What makes you say that?

Because I’m meeting and dating people significantly more attractive and interesting than myself, I’m fascinated by how many interesting people there are in the world. I know it sounds stupid but I have never done this active dating thing and I’m shocked at the calibre of people I’ve been meeting. I think that has to do with confidence because let’s be frank here, I do not have a six pack, unless it’s a six pack of wine coolers.

Where does your confidence come from?

A lot of people have the mind set, “Why me? Why me?” But I’ve always had, “Why not me? Why not me?” I’m just lucky to be wired that way. Maybe it was my upbringing. I have a lot of self- confidence, even in times when I should not. I mean, the subtitle of my first book, Man Up, was “Tales of my Delusional Self- Confidence”. I have no right to be as confident as I am, but I just always have been all in on myself, there’s really no other option. That has served me well because I’ve saved a lot of time second guessing and doubting. I just leap in and it always works out.

You’ll be 40 by the time you host the Attitude Awards in London, and you’re single again. How have your views shifted over the years on marriage, monogamy and all those big ideas that take a while to figure out?

I’ve always known that I would be married with children by the time I was 35. And here I am turning 40, single and childless, with two chihuahuas [ laughs] and I’ve never been happier! I’m still figuring it out

“I’m one of the lucky fans who won the golden ticket and got to be here”

and am open to anything. That’s kind of a great place to be.

What do you mean by being “open to anything”?

I want to experience things I’ve never experienced. I want to be pushed. I want to be challenged. I want to be wrong, sometimes. The most valuable lessons I’ve learned are from when somebody has held a mirror up to me and made me see something differently.

RuPaul has spoken before about how he’s in an open relationship. How do you feel about monogamy?

People should do whatever works for them. In a perfect scenario, of course, I picture a white picket fence and kids and happily ever after, holding hands in our death beds and passing away in the same moment. But I also understand how the world works, and the majority of couples I know are not monogamous. Real life gets in the way. I don’t know where I land on that, I’ll have to take it on a case- by- case basis. I mean, never say never but it’s not as if people are kicking down the door. I’m still a romantic, I still believe that it’s possible to find somebody special.

When did you come out?

I feel as if I came out at birth. I knew I was gay early. Watching TV, I wasn’t fantasising about the women I was seeing, so it was sort of like, “Do the maths, homo.” That said, you don’t know you don’t like brussels sprouts until you try them. So, I did dip in the lady pool once, which was hilarious, and now I know brussels sprouts are not for me! When I did come out to my family, I was very lucky. My dad was a macho man and a mechanic and he kind of got it, and my mom wanted to hold a sign and march through our little farm town — she was very proud.

Here in the UK, we’re most familiar with you as one of the regular judges on Drag Race. How did you get the gig?

I lucked out big time because I’ve loved the show since season one. They asked me to be a guest judge for Snatch Game in season four, and it was fun. I was thrilled to be there, then they asked me back, I think in season six, to be a guest judge again. I went back, I flapped my jaw and went home happy. Then they called me and said: “Would you want to come back?” I really didn’t understand what they meant. I just said yes, and there were all these dates booked for me. That’s when I realised it wasn’t just a guest spot. There was no big meeting or negotiation or proclamation, it just sort of happened. It’s almost an anti- climactic story but I love that it was so organic. We really are a family there. Michelle is like a sister to me, Ru is like the aunt- slash- uncle I’ve always wanted.

Does it amaze you how successful the show has become?

What I love about the show is that, if you really look — even back at season one — it hasn’t changed that much. It’s evolved but the essence of the show has stayed the same. Its voice has maintained an authenticity throughout. Culture has shifted and caught up with it. What makes me most proud is how it’s contributing to a culture shift around the world. People are talking about drag culture and LGBTQ culture in a welcoming way. It’s not uncommon to be in a straight hub somewhere around the world and have some macho guy say that he loves Yvie Oddly, or have a big debate about who should’ve won.

Do you think it’s also helping to dismantle those ideas within gay men specifically about presenting masculine, and about embracing and accepting those who are more camp and flamboyant? Have you experienced much homophobia from other gay men?

When I started on TV, on a mainstream show, of course I got some hate mail from homophobic straight people but I got a ton of hate from the gay community too because at the time — and to an extent now — there was a lot of thinking that if you’re flamboyant, you’re setting the movement back by not being “passable”. You still see it on dating profiles — “masc for masc” or “no femmes”. It’s a shaming within our own community. It’s difficult enough to be gay, let alone to have your own people tell you that you are the wrong kind of gay. That has happened throughout my life: not only do I not fit in with the straight community, but then within my gay community, I need to tone it down because I’m the “wrong kind of gay”. We cannot do that as a community. We need to celebrate each and every one of us. RuPaul’s Drag Race has really helped with that because we show all different types of queens, all different types of people, every letter in the rainbow. Maybe that has really helped highlight just how varied we are within our community.

Do you see yourself in that judging chair for many years to come?

I would be there till season 99. I was a big fan of the show before I got to be on it, and I hope that my contribution has made the show better. I’m so proud to be on a show that’s so funny, but also shifting the culture.

Do you think there’s a risk of Drag Race fatigue?

When you see what we’re going to be doing in the upcoming seasons, you’ll know that the producers of this show are too good to not keep it fresh...

What’s next for you?

I have my book coming out and I’m going to tour the US — maybe the UK, too. My dream is to do a game show, but I plan on retiring at 50 so it’ll have to be before then! I want to go to my place in Palm Springs and wear elastic clothes and slip- on shoes. I don’t want to be on the road when I’m 90, singing for my supper. But showbusiness is tough. Just the other day I worked on set for 12 hours, and the day before I did a photoshoot, and we had just won the Emmy. I saw someone in the grocery store and they said, “Didn’t you use to be on TV?” And you think: “Fuck me, man!” It’s just like, what have you gotta do in this business?

Ross will host the Virgin Atlantic Attitude Awards, powered by Jaguar, at London’s Roundhouse on 9 October

His new book, Name Drop, is published by Simon & Schuster on 4 February 2020

“Life’s difficult enough without being told you’re the wrong kind of gay”