REAL LIFE
As a documentary about his life is released, former gay- porn star Jonathan Agassi, 35, talks about the highs and lows of working in the adult entertainment business, his addictive personality and why he’s now happy living a simple life in Israel
Ex gay porn star Jonathan Agassi on the highs and lows of his career
My sexuality was never a secret. I never had to come out. I think it was always obvious, and when I did say it, it was like, “OK, whoop whoop.” Nobody was surprised, so in one way, it was an easy step.
When I was young, I was always an exhibitionist. I was the first gay person to be shot fully nude for a full- page in a gay magazine in Israel; I was 18.
At the time, I was working as a hairstylist and make- up artist, but it was too competitive for me in Tel Aviv. I decided to quit, and I had also just broken up with a boyfriend I’d been with for three years, so I moved back in with my mum to work out what I wanted to do.
The idea of porn really excited me, I don’t know why. I looked good back then and I decided to try it.
I started sending applications to a major studio in New York but nobody accepted me because I was from Israel and had no experience.
I was just another guy sending a message, so everyone ignored me.
Two months later, [ porn- film director] Michael Lucas came to shoot Men of Israel, and I was the first one to apply to star in it. That was my first film and that’s how my career started.
When I decided to do porn, I was 24, and I did kind of ask for my mum’s approval but in a way that was like, “This is what I’m going to do, you have to live with it.”
It was difficult for her and we had a lot of fights. She tried to convince me not to do it. Everything she warned would happen, did happen.
Once I started, I conquered the world very fast. In a matter of months, I had a six- year contract, was earning a lot of money and everything was great. I think my mum would’ve thought: “OK, maybe I was wrong about that, let’s go with it.”
In the beginning, I was very serious. I wanted to hold on to my career for ever, and I wanted to do everything I could to protect it.
Then came the drugs. People ask whether my drug addiction was because I was in the porn industry. Everybody thinks it goes hand- inhand, but I used to work for Lucas Entertainment and my contract explicitly forbade drugs and alcohol.
I lost my porn career because I was high, because I went to a shoot once and was fucked up. I couldn’t get hard, I couldn’t function, and that’s when I lost my contract.
Escorting is where it’s trickier to avoid drugs. You don’t make a lot of money from porn alone, but you do make a lot of money when you’re a porn star who escorts. And as a porn star, you have a lot of free time.
Most of the clients want to do drugs with you, so you start doing it daily, a few times a day. And when you’re not working, when you have your own free time, you want to be high because you’re already addicted.
I managed to stay away from crystal meth for about three years. I moved to Berlin and said I’d never do that — I’d seen on Oprah how people look before and after using it, and that put me off. So, I just did GHB , cocaine, and stuff like that.
My first time using crystal meth was in London. I met this gorgeous guy, he was beautiful in a way that wasn’t human. Doing crystal was kind of the terms of being with him.
He said: “You know I do that, so if you want to be with me, you have to do it too so I don’t feel strange.” I thought: “He looks so awesome, so hot and has an amazing body. Oprah probably lied.”
But after three or four days together, he smiled and I saw his teeth were rotten. Oprah was telling the truth but I was already hooked.
I was addicted to crystal meth and GHB for a long time, and they are drugs that change how you see sex, how you see your life, how you see everything.
The documentary ends about four or five years ago, and it’s strange to watch it and see all those places that I used to think were heaven. I thank God for this movie; it opened my eyes
“Everything my mum warned would happen, did happen”
and gave me a mirror that you can’t buy, and that no other form of help or therapy can give.
I was a pretty good liar and kept the drugs hidden from my mum.
She didn’t know the extent of my addiction. You’ve probably seen what happens to people who are on G, the collapsing. We show that in the documentary. There were long weekends where I would tell her, “Yeah, I did a bit too much,” but when she saw the documentary and saw what a bit too much really looks like, it’s not an easy thing to watch.
It was a big smack in the face. She blamed herself and felt guilty.
Thank God we’re past that point in my life. She doesn’t have to worry about that any more but I think there is a little bit of anger towards me for not being truthful about the extent of the problem.
The documentary was shot over eight years, and people expect it to be a story about a porn star who has this “glowy” life. The beginning is very glamorous but then it becomes this crazy, deep story with a very complicated history.
Tomer, the director, had been filming me when I was at the very top of the world and a very successful porn star. Everything was great but then as well as the drugs, problems from my childhood started to reappear.
I wasn’t a popular kid, I was very feminine, I got beaten up every day, there was sexual abuse that I didn’t realise was sexual abuse. All that led me to my career, affected my life choices and made me want to become this Jonathan Agassi, this character.
Once, Tomer said to me how every film tends to show drugs in a sexy way: in a club, where everybody is sweaty and kissing. Nobody really shows the moments when you collapse on the floor, twisted up and screaming.
After my porn career ended, I moved from Berlin back to Tel Aviv because crystal meth wasn’t really available here and I wanted to get clean.
I tried to get back into working as a hairstylist and make- up artist but it kind of bored me. Then I went into partnership with a big gay sex shop in Tel Aviv for a couple of years, but it wasn’t my thing any more.
Now, I work in a supermarket; I have a very simple life. I’m not connected to the gay scene at all. I went from one extreme to the other, and I don’t do drugs at all. I don’t go clubbing because I know that there is temptation everywhere in those places — although I’m not sure that anybody could tempt me now. I don’t really have any gay friends any more either. I have my work friends, and I have some girl friends, and that’s enough for me. One day, I’ll find a good husband to take care of me, without the drugs and the parties.
I think the happiest time of my life, if you need to call it that, was the beginning of my career, before the drugs. I came from a very small town in Israel and didn’t have much money. I never saw the world. But today, I’m happy too because I’m living a simple life that I’ve chosen. I work in a nice place and make good money. The thing I miss most from the porn industry is the freedom; not having to wake up early every morning to go to work.
If I’d stayed away from drugs I think my career could have been very successful. But the problem is that I have an addictive personality, so the porn world specifically was “good” for me, because it’s a world with a lot of freedom, with a lot of privileges, with a lot of money — well it used to be, today it’s not like that.
You travel the world, you meet lots of hot guys, you have a lot of money, you can also do escorting to make more money. But I am happy with where I am today.
And if I had the chance to do it again, I wouldn’t.
“No one sees the moments when you collapse, twisted up and screaming”