Abdela + Raquel
MODERN FAMILY
Abdela and Raquel have been married for 13 years and are parents to three wonderful children. Three years ago, to celebrate their 10th anniversary, they took a trip to Amsterdam, and with the new city came fresh temptations.
Alone without the kids, why shouldn’t they experiment a little? As the classic saying goes, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”. Except, in their case, it didn’t stay in Vegas. Their new- found curiosities followed them home, and so they began to frequent swing clubs. Starting off as a wild way to shake up date night, this habit slowly turned their closed and heterosexual marriage into a queer, open relationship.
“At the beginning, the bisexuality was merely a consequence of the threesomes we were having,” says Raquel. “The girls I kissed at swing clubs felt like they were only interested in me as a way of ‘ performing’ for their men. I only started to allow the bisexuality to carry over into one- on- one meet- ups when I met a lesbian.”
In addition to having to comprehend their new sexuality, Abdela and Raquel were also faced with the challenge of making an open relationship work for them. When together in a threesome, even with the freedom to do whatever they wanted, things were different between them. What if Abdela was in the mood for a guy that night, and Raquel was in the mood for a girl? They knew that to satisfy their individual curiosities, they would sometimes need to venture out alone.
For Abdela, the new adjustments were met with ease, while Raquel struggled with feelings of jealousy. “There was one time that he slept over with someone else, and I couldn’t handle it,” recalls Raquel. “I called him crying, telling him to come back! He immediately said that he would. After hanging up the phone, I remembered all the times he’d been selfless when I was the one out having fun. A few minutes later, I came to my senses, and I called him again to say he should stay.”
“I want the same thing for her that I want for myself,” adds Abdela. “I don’t want her to suffer or be jealous. I want her to be happy. If she’s happy staying with someone else, then she should go for it.”
Regardless of the kind of relationship you have, the possibility of falling in love with someone else is always there. That’s the ugly truth — or the beautiful truth, depending on how you look at it. “As people, we are able to love more than one person. We love our friends. Our parents. Our kids. Love in and of itself is not monogamous,” declares Abdela. “However, when it comes to relationships, society teaches us to love only one person. We’re taught that to love ‘ correctly’, we should focus all our attention on one other human and dedicate our lives to them. It’s unnatural.”
Acknowledging this reality allows Abdela and Raquel to be a support in every aspect of each other’s lives; often coaching each other through the tough times. They act as each other’s counsellor in times of hurt or jealousy, analysing things and adapting as they go further along this journey. This strengthens the bond between them and roots their love deeper than any other connection they make.
“We are able to love more than one person. Love is not monogamous” Abdela
“There was one time that he slept over with someone else, and I couldn’t handle it” Raquel