REAL BODIES
Embracing his curves and swerves, Mauricio Peña shines a light on body positivity, his happy place on the LGBTQ+ scene and falling head over heels for his two boyfriends
Showing off his curves and swerves, Mauricio Peña shines a light on the importance of body positivity
If I come across as confident, well, it’s not that it is a lie, it’s me being scared. Every time I seem confident, I’m just scared or shy, and in that moment, I am pushing myself to do things and overcome that fear. Life is too short not to do it.
I grew up in Venezuela and, when I was younger, in my teens, I struggled with thinking that I didn’t look as good as other kids, because I wasn’t as slim or athletic as them. As soon as I started seeing more representation of people like me, people who are bigger, who are queer, who dared to do what they wanted and be themselves, that’s when I saw myself and became happy about who I am and how I look.
The media puts a lot of stuff in our heads and makes us believe that we should appear a certain way, and that’s wrong because not
“There is this mentality of: if you don’t have a muscly body, you’re not welcome”
everyone is the same. Bodies are constantly changing, and there have been instances where I have felt too big or heavy (especially in the past year), but I always try to pull myself out of that.
That’s not to say that I think it is bad or a problem for those who choose to have a more ‘fitness’ body. The problem begins when they criticise or give opinions on the people who don’t look like them. That’s when it becomes toxic.
To achieve a body like that, you have to achieve it mentally first – in my view – and that’s what a lot of us struggle with, finding the capacity or motivation. I’ve been through that; the number of times I’ve signed up to a gym and never been, felt guilty about it, eaten my guilt and bad feelings and then, of course, got bigger.
There is this mentality of: if you don’t have a muscly body, then you’re not allowed in, you are not welcome. It happens in places [on the gay scene] that I don’t even like to mention, where people have to be ‘masculine’ and have muscles in order to get in.
That is disgusting. We have been so oppressed as LGBTQ+ people in our lives, in the history of who we are, so why do we have to do that to ourselves inside our own community?
I have definitely felt alienated from the community, because of being, thinking or feeling different. I made the mistake of trying to be like those people, instead of
showing who I am. I tried to disguise myself as those ugly people and then I felt even worse, because I wasn’t being my true self. It was such a horrible time.
One of my favourite nights out is Thicc London, a wonderful, plus-size space full of joy, safeness and people who are there to simply enjoy the dancing, the music and each other, as a big, loving family.
I feel amazing there. It is my safe place to be totally myself and not be judged in a mean or derogative way. I love them [organisers Timothie James, aka Grace Shush, and Tom Taylor] for doing that party and I hope it is back very soon.
My boyfriends and I make all of our own outfits. That’s part of the excitement, knowing the theme of the party and thinking of an outfit that’s original. It’s a bit like a challenge on Drag Race and Thicc is our runway!
I also do drag – but not as my work. I’m not really a performer. I just get into drag to, you know, show myself and be seen (check out my Instagram account @kerfufflestudio). My first drag name was Crystal Methodist, but it’s not such a good message (!), so I changed it to Jelly Belly.
“I feel great about myself, and I have two amazing boyfriends who love me the way I am”
It’s quite funny and it is a way to reclaim those things that were once unkind to me. Those words that were used against me as an insult, as hate, I am reclaiming them and turning them into something positive.
I love my body and this photoshoot has given me such a confidence boost, getting naked, having pictures taken and feeling that I can make a piece of art. I feel great about myself right now, and I also have my partners who love me the way I am.
I have two amazing boyfriends, James and Ian, and we’ve been together for four years. I met James working in a theatre and we had a connection, that electricity. We saw each other a few times, then he introduced me to his partner, who is Ian, and things just happened really smoothly.
Before I knew it, we were all living together as this happy little family. It was very nice and natural, which is something a lot of people might find weird for me to say, that our relationship came very naturally, but it’s how it was. Nothing was pushed or arranged to be this way. It happened the way any other relationship can happen.
Has lockdown been testing? Oh, yes, absolutely! Thankfully, where we live, we can have a room for each person. There have been ups and downs; very dramatic situations, but also very loving situations.
I would just like to say to people, whoever reads this, that being yourself is fantastic. That’s the only thing we’re going to take with us when we leave, and that’s the only thing people are going to remember about us — if we were happy being ourselves and doing what we love.
The world is changing. We are changing the world.