CRASHING THE CIS-TEM
After coming out as non-binary and finding their queer community, 21-year-old fashion student Kieran Pruett (she/they), from Plymouth, learned how to love the parts of themself they used to hate
Kieran Pruett learned to love themself after coming out as non-binary
Ifirst discovered the term non-binary, or gender-fluid, when I was 17, not long after I had come out as gay. Coming out as nonbinary meant that, for the first time in my life, I finally felt valid.
For me, the term set me free from the restrictions of the gender I identified as previously. In particular, moving to London empowered me to explore my gender identity and the multiple facets within it. Arriving in a more inclusive place, I was no longer frightened to question myself; I could delve into my non-binary identity and become the femme person I’ve always subconsciously wanted to be.
On the whole, the responses have been good, but they’re often mixed with shadows of uncertainty. It’s surprising how many people still don’t quite understand my gender, as their minds are convinced that the binary system is concrete.
On dating apps, I frequently get asked when I’m having sex reassignment surgery, which sometimes frustrates me. Often, I feel
“Coming out as non-binary meant that, for the first time in my life, I felt valid”
there is a misconception that surgery is the end goal for all trans people; there is no one way to be trans, and trans people come in so many different shapes and sizes, and that is what makes our community so beautiful.
I’M VERY PROUD OF WHO I AM, and for the most part I will gladly speak about my experience as a non-binary person. However, having said that, in the queer community, the onus is repeatedly on us to educate the straight and cisgendered world, when in fact it is their duty to teach and educate themselves. We are not a walking resource for you to pick at; we are people trying to survive in a world that does not understand, nor accept us.
I feel, as trans people, we are constantly fed this antiquated idea of how we should look, dress, and perform – and, frankly, I’m tired of it. Furthermore, our bodies are grossly elevated through fetishisation, and we are
“Our bodies are not an experiment to be played with; we deserve to be loved and respected”
seen as disposable by cisgender men. Our bodies are not an experiment to be played with; we deserve to be loved and respected the same as any other human being.
My relationship with my body has fluctuated a great deal since coming out. Growing up in a heteronormative society intoxicated my brain with unrealistic images of how you are supposed to appear, and as a result of not fitting into these stereotypical body types, I suffered with a great deal of body dysmorphia.
Despite this, I have come to realise that I have enormous privilege in that I am a white, able-bodied and thin person. The awful reality is that these qualities are deemed more palatable in Western culture, and this is why I feel it is imperative to lift up trans people of colour, as they began the fight for our rights, yet are still discriminated against to a greater degree.
MY FAVOURITE PART OF MY BODY would have to be my hands. They allow me to articulate my gender and femininity through their appearance and their gestures. Ironically, when I was young, I used to despise everything about myself that was considered feminine, to the point I used to cut my eyelashes in an attempt to appear more masculine. Living my non-binary life has allowed me to shed that toxic masculinity and truly experience gender euphoria.
Admittedly, I have thought about transitioning. At the moment, though,
I’m happy as I am, and I want to push
the idea that any gender can look, dress and perform in any way they choose: why should I, or anyone else, have to change their body to fit society’s ideals of the binary system?
Identifying as non-binary has really allowed me to accept my ‘deformities’ and my queerness. It has made me think about my body in an entirely new way and has encouraged me to emphasise the attributes that make me unique; the features I once hated as a teenager are now the parts I adore the most.
LEARNING TO ACCEPT ONESELF is a hard task to master. I feel the best way to learn about yourself is to learn from others, and then decide for yourself what feels good to you. Instagram can be an amazing platform, as it allows you to see the representation you might not otherwise witness in your day-today life.
Additionally, fashion is a great outlet for exploring your gender identity. It is important to remember, mind, that clothing doesn’t define your gender; I am just as nonbinary in my naked body as I am fully clothed wearing a dress.
It is also so important to surround yourself with people who recognise just how wonderful you are and who embrace your growth. Personally, connecting with queer people and having such an incredible group of friends around me has helped me to overcome my self-doubt and has further given me a nudge to be my best self.
I believe that gender is not static: it is everchanging. Give yourself permission to change your mind and be patient. Never forget that there is no one way to be any gender, just do what feels authentic to you.
“Why should I, or anyone else, change their body to fit society’s ideals?”