BIG ISSUE

Sexual violence

Male sexual violence was in the news last month when police appealed for witnesses following a sexual assault on London’s Clapham Common. Alex Feis-Bryce, CEO of SurvivorsUK, writes about the challenges that men encounter when talking about and reporting rape

Arecent report, Silenced Survivors, by SurvivorsUK found that almost half of gay and bisexual men have experienced sexual violence, and more than a third of those felt that they could not speak to anyone about it. It also revealed that 15 per cent had been blackmailed by someone threatening to share naked pictures of them, and 13 per cent had experienced sexual violence at a chemsex party.

Concerns about the prevalence of sexual violence by men against men are not new — SurvivorsUK was founded 25 years ago because gay and bisexual survivors had nowhere to turn to for support.

The report was inspired by my own experience of being raped as an 18-year-old student on one of my first nights out and by the uncomfortable feeling I’ve had ever since that some people view experiencing sexual violence as inevitable for many gay and bi men. But an experience that can be so traumatising and lifechanging should never be seen in such terms.

Since the research was published, I’ve been contacted by people from all over the world sharing their experiences, sometimes for the first time, and asking what more should be done to raise awareness about the deeply troubling levels of sexual violence occurring in queer spaces.

It is an extremely challenging topic, and we must be careful to avoid giving oxygen to homophobic rape myths, such as the assumption that gay and bi men are promiscuous, so therefore their consent is somehow assumed or has less value. It is also crucial that in identifying spaces where sexual violence may occur more often, we do not indulge in or encourage victim-blaming or stigmatise any consensual sexual activities.

When it comes to speaking out about sexual violence, stigma, internalised homophobia and the fear of being judged has a very powerful silencing effect for queer survivors and prevents many from seeking support.

As a teen coming to terms with my sexuality as well as the trauma of being raped, reporting what happened to me to the police, or seeking professional help, was not something I considered. I was socialised to believe that rape was something that only happens to women. I was not comfortable talking to anyone about my sexuality, and didn’t feel that I would be believed. And I blamed myself. Internalised shame and homophobia were powerful factors contributing to my decision to suffer in silence. My instinct was to try to forget and move on.

Our research discovered that more people felt that they could speak to a friend (35 per cent), than a professional (18 per cent) and reveals that the wider sexual violence support sector must work harder to provide services that meet the needs of gay and bisexual male survivors.

One positive on this front is that government funding for specialist support services such as SurvivorsUK and Galop, the LGBTQ+ anti-abuse charity, has increased significantly in recent years, which is making a huge difference.

What else can we do to prevent sexual violence and make it easier for gay and bi men to seek support when they experience rape?

Social change will not happen overnight. We must fundamentally unlearn many of the things that have been drilled into us from a young age. Boundaries, consent and our responsibilities to others must be at the heart of relationship and sex education in schools. Crucially, this must be LGBTQ+-inclusive.

The language we use to talk about sexual violence in both the media and in policy circles needs to become more inclusive and less binary. That the terms “sexual violence” and “violence against women” are used interchangeably causes real harm to many survivors who aren’t women. It is essential to recognise the power dynamics at the heart of sexual violence including patriarchy, privilege and social status, but that shouldn’t mean that we leave hundreds of thousands of survivors out of the narrative altogether.

So many people tell us that the support they received from SurvivorsUK has changed their lives. The sense of being alone is profound for many survivors and for me it was almost debilitating. Making that initial contact with a support organisation can be incredibly hard, but it can also be life-changing. Healing is rarely a linear process, but for me my one regret is that I didn’t seek support when I was a teenager trying to come to terms with both my sexuality and the trauma of being raped.

I hope that our latest findings will help to foster a safe space for self-reflection and challenging discussions about consent in the context of modern queer sex lives.

“Some people view experiencing sexual violence as inevitable for many gay and bi men”

SurvivorsUK is a national charity supporting male and non-binary survivors of sexual violence aged 13+. They have a National Online Helpline which is open 12pm-8pm, seven days a week. www.survivorsuk.org

Whenever it happened to you, it’s never too late to get support. If you’ve experienced sexual violence or sexual abuse, or want to find out how to support a friend or family member, visit #ItStillMatters at gov.uk/ SexualAbuseSupport