If I had known I’d 10 days to sort my life out, I’d have had more hope

Abuse survivor speaks of double life and praises council’s staff help

A survivor of domestic abuse has told how South Ayrshire Council’s new policy on leave for victims would have been a Godsend.

The woman opened up about how abuse is not just physical but comes in many forms.

She bravely revealed her story of emotional, financial and sexual abuse at the hands of her former partner.

And she told how the 10 days paid leave promised by the council would have helped her by giving her time to think, act and simply sleep.

Elizabeth, not her real name, told the Post: “A couple of years into the relationship, I suddenly realised how bad everything had got. I wasn’t aware of how wide the scale is of domestic abuse.

“I thought, ‘ I’m not being physically abused therefore I’m not being abused’. But when I started hearing more about it, I suddenly realised I was being very badly financially abused, I was being sexually abused.

“I had no way out of the situation. And everything was getting used against me – there was a lot of coercive, emotional abuse.

“I didn’t realise that before and I wish more women out there knew it’s not just physical.”

The 26- year- old from South Ayrshire sadly admitted she was living a double life as she prepared her escape.

Elizabeth said: “It was a scary time because you start leading two lives. One life where you try sort yourself out and get out of everything, another where you try keep up this pretence.

“You try be the absolute perfect partner so nothing goes wrong and they don’t get upset with you at any point because you don’t want things to escalate.

“You don’t want to feel you’re at risk of being kicked out or locked in the house or something happening to you. It was very challenging.” On top of the abuse Elizabeth had just started a new job, which led to more stress.

She said a safe leave policy would have made a huge difference to her when she was working up to leave an abusive relationship.

She said: “If I had known I had 10 days to help sort my life out, I could go to the doctors, Ayrshire Housing Aid, I could see my counsellor or therapist, go to the bank and close accounts – make all the appointments I needed to.

“And even just sleep a bit – you’re so tired from keeping up the pretences for so long.

“You’re constantly analysing every single part of your life and how you conduct yourself.

“Knowing that I could have that time off would make me feel a lot more secure in my job and

You try to be the absolute perfect partner so things don’t escalate Elizabeth

my life – and make me feel I had hope.

“Instead, I was worrying about saving up annual leave and increasing sick days I was having to take at work.”

Elizabeth now wants others to speak out, seek advice and get help when they need it.

She added: “If you’ve got a slight thought in your head that something isn’t quite right, go and talk to someone and get some clarity and reassurance – because you get brainwashed.

“That was really difficult to come to terms with that someone you thought loved you was actually abusing and using you.

“Having people who know what they’re talking about to reassure you helps you, so get help wherever you can.

“I hope other employers and businesses will follow South Ayrshire Council’s lead and show people that help and support is available to them.

“And that things can get better if you make use of that assistance.”

● If you have been affected by any of the issuses raised in this article, information and help is available on the 24- hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helplineo n 0808 2000 247.

Or you can visit www. national domestic violence help line. org.uk/ or south ayrshire women said. org. uk