I’m free of video beast who stole my dignity

Inspirational victim hopes others will find the strength to seek help

Kilmarnock Sheriff Court. Nicole bravely decided to waive her right to anonymity and share her ordeal in the hope it might inspire others.

Speaking to the Standard on Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence Awareness Month 2020, she told how she felt “horrified, “violated” and “mortified” following the discovery of a USB containing images and video of her body, taken during her sleep without her consent.

Brown pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting Nicole while she was asleep.

He also admitted recording a video and images of Nicole’s body while she was asleep.

The court heard how the pictures and video were contained on a USB belonging to Brown and had been discovered by his brother and eventually passed to Nicole in 2017, a year after the couple had separated. Nicole said: “I was shaking when I put the USB in the TV. I finally plucked up the courage and that’s when I watched the video.

“I put the volume up to 100 and you can hear that I’m snoring – I’m a deep, deep snorer.”

Nicole said having to view the files made her feel “sick” and described her lack of control as “looking like a dead person”.

She said: “I don’t move at all. It’s like I’m dead.

“I started to remember small s i g n s i n t h e relationship.

“One morning I woke up and felt sore and when I told him he laughed, but then I saw the video and he is violating me while I’m asleep.

“The penny just dropped and I realised any time I have been sore that’s what has happened.

“I watched everything in full. With the pictures, it’s as if he is trying to tell a story.

“He took the time to put them together in a sequence like a picture story – that’s what the police told me.”

For two months, Nicole battled with the decision over what to do with the files before finally gathering the courage to seek help.

After speaking with a member of STAR Centre Ayrshire, who offer free and confidential support to anyone who has experienced sexual violence, the matter was reported to police.

Nicole said: “I remember standing near the bus stop outside Kilmarnock Police Station and I just broke and felt like I couldn’t do it.

“The interview went on for hours and hours but then at the end a female officer came in and told me they had enough information to charge him.”

Nicole then faced the prospect of having to give evidence during a trial but then received the news that monster Brown had pleaded guilty.

Former carer Nicole added: “He is a predator. He took my dignity away. He doesn’t understand consent.” Thanks to support from Women’s Aid, Nicole has begun to build a new start with her nine- year- old son Brydon in another part of Ayrshire.

Following the decision of Sheriff Elizabeth McFarlane to send Brown to prison, Nicole says she finally feels “safe”.

She said: “I tried to change things, I tried to redecorate but I couldn’t get it out my mind.

“So I moved from my house of 10 years. But, I’m looking to the future and I want it to be brighter.

“I feel safe now because I know he is locked away.”

Detective Sergeant Iain Milligan, from the Ayrshire domestic abuse investigation unit, urged others to come forward.

He said: “Hopefully the bravery shown by the victim in this case and others will give every person suffering from domestic abuse the strength to come forward and report crimes of this nature.

“Any disclosures made to us will be thoroughly investigated with absolute professionalism and sensitivity.”

I’m looking to the future and I want it to be brighter. I feel safe now because I know he is locked away.