How to deal with the loss of a loved one during these unprecedented times

EXPERTS will regularly say there are four distinct stages of grief, but when you experience a loss, it can be extremely difficult to see how life will ever return to normal. However, everyone eventually works through the healing process, so it is important to be aware of the stages and any progress you are making through them.

THE GRIEVING PROCESS

First of all, it is vital you acknowledge the loss. Denial is the key factor at this point and is especially prevalent in instances of bereavement that were unexpected, but coming to terms with the fact the bereavement is real is an integral first step.

You must then accept you will experience pain and grief, and that these emotions are perfectly normal. Embracing them will allow you to move on healthily as soon as possible, whereas ignoring these feelings will often only lead to a buildup of grief that may well affect you further down the line.

It is then necessary to make whatever adjustments are required to your life to mitigate the loss of someone important to you. This may require a fairly substantial change to your regular routine, particularly if it involved regular contact with that person, or could well be a case of simply getting accustomed to no longer having to talk to.

Finally, finding another use for the energy you have been dedicating to grieving will help to bring an end to the process. A new hobby or other productive activity will help you move forwards.

OPEN UP

Talking is a big part of the healing process, but it is often something many of us find extremely difficult to do. You may not feel comfortable discussing your feelings with those around you – even if many are feeling much the same way you are – so finding someone impartial who is willing to listen can be a big help. Fortunately, there are a number of helplines that offer such a service, as well as advice and support.

WHERE THERE’S A WILL...

If you are responsible for seeing to the estate of a loved one who has passed, you will find this much easier to do if they have left behind a will. However, this is not always the case, especially if the death is sudden or unexpected, but remember this is not something you need to do on your own.

SAYING GOODBYE

Planning the funeral of a friend or family member will be the last thing you want to do immediately after experiencing the loss, but fortunately it is one of the key aspects of the role of the undertaker to alleviate any strain, taking care of much of the planning and logistics.

There are generally several options available when it comes to the funeral itself, so there will often be the opportunity to match it to their personality.

THE COVID IMPACT

Whether you have lost someone to coronavirus or to an unrelated cause it is likely that the pandemic will have had an impact.

You may not have been able to be with your loved one or say goodbye in the way you would have liked to. You may also be grieving for someone that died before the pandemic.

Maybe there’s been an anniversary during lockdown, or this has been your first time alone in your home since your loved one died. Families and friends can’t be together in the usual way and you may be grieving by yourself, without your usual support structures.

You may even have concerns about your own health or someone you care for. None of us have been in a situation like this before and there is no normal way to react or feel.

Try not to be hard on yourself for how you are coping. However you’re feeling, it can be exhausting and you may not have much energy – physically or mentally – and it can be hard to make sure you are looking after yourself.

Whatever your circumstances, it can help to talk about how you’re feeling. If the death was recent you might not be ready yet and that’s okay.

For many of us, the natural response after losing someone important to us is to turn to and be with friends and family for comfort. But, when we are being asked to limit our social contact with others, you may feel like you are having to cope by yourself.

This can be especially difficult if you have lost someone you shared a home with and you are adjusting to living by yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and let people know what it is you need from them right now. This might be talking about your loved one, having someone there to distract you, or asking someone to pick some groceries up for you.