MORNING/AFTERNOON/EVENING (DELETE AS APPLICABLE), HOW’S IT GOING?

Welcome to the latest issue of Back Street Heroes, the 456th of its life. We’re into March, allegedly the first month of Spring, and that means that the good weather that us lot, as bikers, have really been craving isn’t too far away… at least that’s what keep telling myself anyway.

To try and remind you of what that’s like as, I don’t know if it’s the same for you, I seem to have forgotten what it’s like to ride unencumbered by layers and layers of winter bike gear, this issue and next we’re going to be running as many of the events we have remaining from the short event season of last year. In this one there’re six of the best days out from 2021: the Halfway Heroes’ Leathered in Lincs rally; the Minotaurs Brotherhood’s Monster Bash; NCC Sussex’s Innit to Winnit custom show; P&D Customs’ one-dayer; the traditional Rocker Blessing of the Bikes; and probably the Hells Angels’ biggest event these days, the Bullfrog Bash. Next month there’ll be another five, including the relaunched Kent Custom Bike Show, so that’s something to look forward to!

There’re also some very, very cool feature bikes, including the long fork Sportster from the cover (being wheelied, if Gaz’s used the pic!); the ‘90s-school Gixer I bought last year, but never really got a chance to ride (the article explains it all); and a GS500 (that ISN’T a café racer, even if it looks like one) that’s the first build by a nineteenyear-old lass from the Midlands who won a major award for it at Kickback last year – not a bad feat for a first build, let alone by anyone so young, eh?

This issue also sees the last of our Foggie stories – sadly, we’ve used up all the ones he wrote for BSH the first time round all those years ago. We do have a cunning plan though (although, actually, it’s not that cunning…) for something equally excellent to replace them, but you’ll just have to wait until next month to see what it is. I know, I know, keeping you in suspenders… sorry, sorry, suspense, ain’t I a stinker?

Something I’ve noticed of late on my seemingly endless trips up and down the motorways of our fair isle is the fact that motorway speeds seem to have dropped. Have you noticed that?

It wasn’t that long ago that most, probably ninety per cent, of cars on the network were travelling at at least 80-85mph all the time – indeed, if your bike (or you) wasn’t happy to cruise at that speed, moving out into the third/outside lane to overtake, say, a truck in the middle lane doing 0.5mph more than the truck in the inside lane, could be quite a hairy experience as fleets of BMWs, Audis and Mercedes’d come steaming up behind you, their white-collar drivers furious at some lowly motorcycle daring to intrude into ‘their’ lane. Now, though, pottering along at about 75 sees me sailing past the majority of fourwheelers, and it’s almost rare to have to move over to allow faster traffic to pass.

The first couple of times I became aware of this, it caused a sudden surge of paranoia, much the same way as Billy Connolly talks about small fish on reefs when he’s scuba-diving (‘They go whoosh away, and you think ‘What do they know? What’ve they seen?’) – I thought ‘Where’s the cop car? What’ve they seen that I haven’t?’ and twisted round frantically in the seat to see if there’s a police car I hadn’t noticed? There rarely is though, I’ve found – people just seem to be driving slower.

The reasons for this kind o’ elude me. Is it because drivers’ve become more lawabiding? I kind o’ doubt that – there’re far, far fewer police cars on the roads these days due to successive governments continually cutting police funding, and your chances of getting a tug these days, especially on a motorway, are far, far less than of old, so it can’t be that. Is it because of the number of cameras on our roads now? Mmm, maybe, but they’re still driving slowly on roads that don’t really have any cameras so I don’t think so. Is it because fuel is so bastard expensive? Well, possibly, but a lot of motorway drivers’re on company business and so don’t pay for their own fuel, or claim it back, so I don’t know about that either. Is it because of green issues? Are they driving more slowly to reduce their emissions? To reduce their impact on the environment? Fat chance – people do pay lip service to green issues if they’re asked in a survey, say, but in the real world… no.

So what’s causing this slow-down? I haven’t the faintest idea, but one thing I do know is that because all these buggers’re driving more slowly, my habitual speeding looks a lot more obvious than it used to, and I now risk the few Old Bill there are looking at me more closely because of it. Can you lot go back to speeding, please, so it doesn’t look quite so obvious that I am? Thank you!

See you next month!