ASK THE EXPERT
QI CAUGHT my 13-year-old son watching porn online and I’m concerned that it might give him the wrong idea about sex and relationships. What’s the best way to talk to him about it – the thought of it embarrasses me, and I’m sure he’ll be mortified if I bring up the subject.
AALEX GRAY, Childline service manager, right, says: “As puberty kicks in, young people become more private. And if your child is usually reluctant to talk about their day, they’re even less likely to want to talk about sex and relationships.
“But children look to parents or carers for help, so it’s up to you to talk to them when you feel they need advice.
“Talking about porn is something you’re both going to find challenging, so acknowledge that. And reassure your son it’s OK to feel curious about sex and that he can always talk to you about it.
“Some young people stumble across porn online by accident or have been pressured into watching it by friends. Explain that not everyone watches porn and it’s fine not to want to watch or do something that makes them uncomfortable and they should never be pressured or forced into anything.
“Explain why you think online porn may be inappropriate. Use reference points from the news or TV shows to frame the discussion.
“One of the most important points to raise with your son is that sex shown in porn is often different to how people have sex in real life. People are acting so things are exaggerated and the lines between consent, pleasure and violence are often blurred – It’s important for young people to know the difference.
“Talking about healthy relationships can be a way of pointing out the differences between how porn actors interact and how we do in our day-to-day lives. Ask him what he think makes a good relationship – use prompts by discussing respect, personal boundaries and consent.
“If there are things about sex and relationships your child would feel uncomfortable talking to you about, there are safe places online to get information, like the NSPCC’s Childline website (childline.org.uk).”