Bangor Mail

Thomas Edison had many more light-bulb moments, but I am learning


- Richard iRvine

Welcome to part two of ‘Regrets, I’ve had more than a few, but then again too few for child services to get involved’.

Initially, this was supposed to be just one week of guilt but once you start thinking, it’s funny how many decisions have been ill-judged.

To speed things up, I’ve cut the waffle in order to confess all my sins and save money on future counsellin­g: 1. Telling Thomas Father Christmas wouldn’t visit if he was naughty, causing him to dissolve into anxiety, tears and real concern about past behaviour.

2. Telling Emma something similar but watching as she smiled in full knowledge this was another empty threat, having created a child who thinks she’s above the law.

3. Buying an array of exotic fruits for Thomas to take a bite, then leave half eaten around the home.

4. Hiring a Pedalo before checking with Emma whether she’d get on one, which she obviously didn’t.

5. Buying Thomas a toy keyboard, being amazed by his musical ability before realising it’s annoying.

6. Buying Emma a talking Paw Patrol plastic dog from an auction site at half the price without realising it only speaks French.

7. Showing Emma how to unload the dishwasher resulting in cutlery, plates, bowls

and mugs be they clean or dirty materialis­ing in cupboards all over the home.

8. Showing Thomas how to start the dishwasher, resulting in it running 24 hours a day whether full, empty or anything in between.

9. Showing them how to build a den out of cushions, resulting in every soft furnishing in the house being converted into a dwelling at some point during the day.

10. Allowing Thomas to irritate me with constant questions when he’s just being curious and I’m grumpy.

11. Allowing Emma to irritate me with constant demands when she’s incredibly bossy and I haven’t got time.

12. Allowing them to irritate me when it’s 9pm, they’re still not asleep and I just want to sit down when they’re just excited by life.

There are more errors, but Thomas Edison made thousands of prototype light bulbs and said, ‘I haven’t failed – I’ve just found 10,000 that won’t work’.

If a genius can fail 10,000 times, then I’m happy with less than a hundred after three years.

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What did he say?

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