Resident joker Gary Rowley – author of That’s Terrible! A Cringeworthy Collection of 1,001 Really Bad Jokes — tries to brighten your day with a selection of gags...

If two vegans have an argument, can it still be called a beef…?

It’s the wife’s birthday tomorrow. Since she’s been leaving jewellery catalogues all over the house, I’ve finally taken the hint and bought her a rack.

Just driven past a dozen blokes in fancy dress suits of armour, shivering like leaves at the bus stop. It appears the weatherman was right…chilly knights are on the way.

I’m looking for advice. I’m involved in organising the lineup for a retro pop music concert. Who do you think I should put on first? Jam or Cream…?

I was shocked to discover I’d

eaten ten thousand calories yesterday. Honestly, I rue the day I bought that flipping Pudometer.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Lundwooder who walked about with a cat flap on his head? Two cannibals, cooking a Vicar for dinner. One says, do you fancy a bit of Pastor with it?