Resident joker Gary Rowley – author of That’s Terrible! A Cringeworthy Collection of 1,001 Really Bad Jokes — tries to brighten your day with a selection of gags...

I’ve just seen Elvis in B&Q. He was returning a sander.

There was this couple in the supermarket, dressed as barcodes. I said, are you two an item…?

Mobile phones have been around longer than people think. I was watching this film the other night and distinctly heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.

Fifty cartons of haemorrhoid cream have been stolen from the chemist shop. Police have described the incident as an anus crime.

I can’t believe people are letting off fireworks already. The cat was so scared it ran up the flipping Christmas tree.

So I said, doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a roll-on deodorant. He said, are you sure?

I said, no…I’m Nivea for Men. My pet hamster had a terrible accident.

Poor little mite…he fell asleep at the wheel.