Resident joker Gary Rowley – author of That’s Terrible! A Cringeworthy Collection of 1,001 Really Bad Jokes — tries to brighten your day with a selection of gags...

My sister’s fallen out with her hospital porter boyfriend. She said she was sick of him pushing her around.

Two blokes on a roller coaster. One says, if this tips upside down, do you think we’ll fall out? Other says, don’t talk stupid. We’ve been best pals for years.

This security guard spotted me nicking a joint of beef from the supermarket. He said, hoy, what are you doing with that? I said, mashed potatoes, carrots, peas and gravy.

What a mess the world is in. Ah well…at least there’s only three more Prime Ministers to Christmas.

I’ve been offered a job at Billy Smart’s Circus as successor to Coco the Clown. Talk about big boots to fill.

I arrived late for the kleptomaniac society AGM. All the seats were taken.

I’ve called my new dog Bunsen Burner. It’s got a bit of Lab in it.