I need an incentive to run... like chocolate or wine

I HAVE finally got my act together after the summer and gone back to the gym.

I have decided that I am not going to listen to the lazy, unfit body anymore.

She’s just a very nasty person who tries to make me eat cupcakes or the new cereal from Aldi. If you haven’t tried them, they are gorgeous, delicious balls of peanut butter. Yum, yum, yum, “Stop it!”

See she’s like this all the time.

It’s like having the devil on one shoulder encouraging me, and an angel on the other trying to stop me. Right, back to the gym.

Obviously, I do have a couple of issues of using the gym. The first one is that I still have far too many wobbly bits to run on a treadmill. And the second is that, if I ever should find myself in a situation where I have to run, there had better be a bar of chocolate and a glass of wine at the end, or thirdly, I am being chased by a wild animal.

I even thought about buying myself a pair …wait for it. Of lycra sports leggings. Oh God what a performance.

There I was in the changing room trying to wriggle into something that must have been invented for some sort of Japanese torture.

How anyone can manage to squeeze themselves into these leggings is well and truly beyond me.

Honestly, it was like pushing sausage meat into the skin without the machine. I bent over, I stretched, I jumped up and down cursing under my breath. To be perfectly honest, just around the thigh area I sat down to have a rest. I looked like a stress ball. The ones with the netting. There was no way these leggings were going any further. Taking them off wasn’t any easier. Thank God that Lindsey was with me. I had to ask her to try and pull them off whilst I remained seated on the floor. Oh, how embarrassing.

As she pulled, I literally slid along the floor towards her. It didn’t help that she had to keep stopping to wipe the tears from her eyes. Needless to say, I wasn’t going to buy them, just getting them on and off was a work out on its own. I actually asked the assistant if they had them in a larger size. “That is the larger size.” She said and walked off.

I’m sure she was smirking, Cheeky cow. So back at the gym. There I am stood stupidly looking around at all these people that obviously look like they know what they’re doing. Okay, do something, I told myself, so I started to warm up.

Ten squats, I must admit that I felt quite impressed with myself, not once did I fall over, or break wind, and once I actually got into it, I felt like an Olympic athlete, a fitness goddess. I looked over to where the full-length mirrors were and said to myself.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I must try hard to gain my goal.

When what I really wanted to say was. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the wobbliest of them all, but then I started laughing, it was one of those laughs that you can’t keep in and it pops out of your mouth, I couldn’t stop.

The more I looked in the mirror the more I laughed.

The more I laughed the more people stared over and some even started to laugh with me.

But I had set my goals and I felt quite confident that I would achieve them. Of course, I might have to cancel Christmas.