Food staying down, sleeping for 12 hours... is the hard work finally behind us?
DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS
The twins were enjoying a meal of spiced lentils and rice. To occupy their minds, I was singing Snoop Doggy Dogg’s Gin and Juice in the style of a nursery rhyme, minus the fruity language. In the background, Victoria was preparing forkcrushed banana with a creamy full fat Greek yoghurt. This was how I imagined child care might be. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a nanny, but it was a sophisticated evening of song, good food and babbling with no crying or vomit. Dessert was met with a gentle approval and I
prepared a swift aperitif (cow’s milk). It was getting late and no sooner had they finished their final course then they were dispatched to bed. We changed them into sleepsuits, packed them into their body bags, wished them good night and
they were fast asleep. It was 7pm and freedom was ours, within the confines of the house. Life is for living so we chose to watch television in a semi-comatose state, while eating Quality Street, the traditional Christmas chocolate – a festive treat that will be a year-round phenomenon by the time the twins are teenagers. It was a full 12 hours before we heard from Thomas and emma again. They’d both slept through the night and woken up at a reasonable 7am. Breakfast was steel-cut
porridge oats with an organic blueberry jus followed by a toasted sourdough loaf and salt-free butter. They ate the lot and passed their compliments onto the kitchen team. As we sat and discussed the many challenges of orchestrating children, work, food, shopping and an MOT, I thought ‘we’re doing alright, we might make it’. It’s taken 12 months to master the gentle art of rearing children but have we cracked it? There’ve been a few stumbling blocks, but life is all about learning. I’ve learned not to leave the children with drunk, potentially homeless men because they’ve got a nice-looking dog, while you go into a
shop that can’t fit a double buggy. I’ve also learned not to leave a baby unattended on a changing mat, while you get some wipes, in case it falls onto the floor. And I’ve learned to double check the car seat straps in case you arrive at a destination and notice you’ve forgotten to secure them. Obviously, these things never happened directly to me but are worthwhile lessons for any parent. It feels like the hard work is behind us and they’re growing into proper little people. Before we know it, they’ll be in their own houses, earning money and changing my soiled nappies.