It’s eyes down for a good old knees-up
Not long now before I have to don my polka-dot frock and enter the competitive frenzy that is Lady Margaret’s Bingo Night.
Her Ladyship’s throne has been resprayed, a new themed chapeau has been created and the prizes are being assembled.
Rules are being studied and catchphrases such as two ducks on a pond and Kelly’s eye are being revised with the help of the online bingo dictionary (I kid you not).
A whole host of Lady M’s entourage is being recruited, including Valentino Spiv on quality control, former Miss Widcombe Gloria Stitty on prize trolley duty and of course, Margaret’s ancient and quivering butler Potter, if he can make it up the step onto the Widcombe Social Club’s spanking new stage. Margaret got him on a Youth Opportunity Scheme in 1920 and the social services never came back for him!
From a humble beginning as knob polisher at Winsley Towers, Potter now handles all Lady Margaret’s special requirements, none more important than keeping her schooner of British Fortified Wine topped up throughout her formal duties.
Lady M has had some very important formal duties in the past. She presented the President of Costa Rica with a first-class stamp signed by the Queen (not).
He said he would treasure it for ever but was voted out a couple of months later. A wag commented that he probably has it hanging on his cell wall to this day.
She launched the Britain/canada Cultural Rapprochement in Ottawa (what ever happened to that?). She used the ambassadorial limo for that event.
The ambassador had the temerity to request her to change her name, not wishing to offend the current Prime Minister.
Lady M replied archly that she was invented long before Mrs Thatcher invented herself!
Of course, her biggest moment was to lead the Queen’s Jubilee procession down the Mall, in her capacity of Royal Nanny.
Dimbleby, delivering the commentary, nearly had apoplexy as this starched vision appeared with her monogrammed Silver Cross pram, sandwiched between the Grenadier Guards and the Household Cavalry.
At a more recent jubilee, our grand dame made her presence felt, mostly uninvited, at thirteen, yes thirteen, community street parties. That’s a lot of cake and prosecco!
The parties ranged from real VE Day knees-ups to the more sophisticated let’s-meet-the-neighboursfor-the-first-time-in-twenty-years affairs.
At one of these, in the rarefied upper echelons of Widcombe Hill, the host, bearing more than a passing resemblance to Hyacinth Bucket, on seeing Margaret forcing down yet more quiche and bubbly, enquired ‘And you are whom?’
Time for a commercial break: It’s eyes down for a full house on December 2nd at Widcombe Social Club.
You get ten free games with your ticket and all profits go to the club’s Covid catch up. Last time we did this, the punters had such fun they kept giving their prizes back so we could play more games. I think the notorious fondu set changed hands half a dozen times!
https://www.bathcomedy.com/ whats-on?id=1475
Ralph Oswick was artistic director of Natural Theatre for 45 years and is now an active patron of Bath Comedy Festival