Embrace the empty nest
Most Georgian children had moved out and found work by the time they’d reached 13
It may be hard to believe in today’s world of higher education and rising house prices, but back in the 18th century many children had barely reached their teens when they flew the nest.
This was no doubt a painful experience for many. But those Georgians taking the plunge into the world of parenting could at least console themselves with the thought that their offspring were making the transition from dependant to valuable contributor to the family coffers at the tenderest of ages.
Many youngsters began apprenticeships or took up positions in domestic service between the ages of 11 and 13, their new employers and masters becoming surrogate parents. In rural areas, families were often employed as a group, and so children frequently worked alongside their parents.
The offspring of those occupying the higher reaches of the social ladder often left home at an even younger age – especially if they were boys. Georgians firmly believed that living away from home while at school and university was a crucial step in gaining all-important independence. Those who stayed at home for too long often grew up excessively effeminate, they argued, as they’d spent too much time with overly indulgent mothers. In his Essay on the Nursing and Management of Children (1748) the physician William Cadogan portrayed the “puny insect” of a man who has been the son of such a mother. It was better, he declared, that boys were hardened by the rigours of competition and boarding school life.
Upper- class girls were prepared for their future married lives via an education provided by home tutors. As for their middle- class counterparts, they were encouraged to develop numeracy as well as literacy skills so they could assist their families with the operation of their businesses.
The writer William Fleetwood acknowledged the fact that letting go could be difficult for parents who had invested so much in their children. He counselled parents to play a prominent role in their children’s first marriages, but to take a back seat for second ones. By now, he wrote, children should be freer to make their own decisions. “Now this is not because the parents are no longer parents,” he explained, “nor the children tied to dutiful obedience; but because that greater age and reason make folks fitter to consider themselves, and look after their own affairs.”
Despite this advice, Fleetwood recognised that parenting was a life-long commitment. Family records show that parents were expected to offer their children emotional and economic support well after childhood had ended. They stepped in if their children’s marriages broke down, offered to care for grandchildren, and were a first port of call in a financial crisis. In time, parents could expect their children to reciprocate.
Many children heeded the instructions of advice books, and offered support and shelter to their elderly parents. In the 18th century, the family life- cycle of dependency and care ran full circle. Dr Elizabeth Foysterr is lecturer and fellow in history at Clare College, University of Cambridge. Her books include The Trials of the King of Hampshire: Madness, Secrecy and Betrayal in Georgian England (Oneworld, 2016)