Quarantine quarrels
I just know in my gut that he would constantly be leaving the toilet seat up
A 16th-century portrait of Pope Alexander VI. A Twitter user worried that athe pontiff would prove to be a lockdown nightmare
With much of the world still in lockdown, Twitter set out to identify the historical figure with whom it would be worst to be quarantined. ANNA WHITELOCK reveals the candidates
Along with much of the rest of the world, historians have been in lockdown – but, unlike most other people, their parlour games have tended to revolve around the past. Ray Ball (@ProfessorBall)’s starter for 10, “which historical figure from your research would be absolutely insufferable to be quarantined with?”, generated a huge range of replies and all kinds of characters – some well known, others less so.
For Dr Andrew Robinson (@Andrew R_Physics), it was an easy pick: “Sir Isaac Newton. Anyway, he would be much too busy being super-productive and devising his Theory of Gravity.” Peter Furtado (@peterhistoryfm) thought that American poet, philosopher and abolitionist Henry David Thoreau would be insufferable: “He’d be desperate to be socially distanced, and would go on and on about how society (comprising a load of irritating families, sick people and old people) had stupidly imprisoned him, a healthy single young man.”
For Ruth Selman (@Historyscape), it would be Samuel Pepys. “He’d be trying it on, moaning about his Parmesan and then writing about me in code,” she said.
Dr J Davis (@JenniferJ_Davis) thought that 18th-century philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau “would secretly revel in it, penning endless op-eds about how he needs nothing from no one – meanwhile Therese does all the cooking, cleaning, nursing, etc.”
Laura R Prieto
(@Laura_R_Prieto) suggested US statesman Theodore Roosevelt. “Others might enjoy his blustery personality & strenuous life sermons, but I would NOT find it bully [sic] being quarantined with him. I would need a really big stick.”
James Wilson (@alawyerwrites) had no doubt that 20th-century military officer Lord Mountbatten would be an insufferable housemate, “reckless with other people’s lives and absolutely shameless about taking credit for other people’s success and blaming everyone else when things go wrong and claiming success in the face of disaster.”
The Non-Evil Scott McMillan
(@guy_lusignan) feared lockdown with “Barnabe Barnes, late 16th-century English poet and playwright. Dude tried to murder a guy with a poisoned lemon in a dispute over verse structure.” Cheryl Morgan (@Cheryl Morgan) nominated Nero, because “he’d be putting on concerts all day and expecting me to listen and applaud.” Claire McLeod (@ClaireMacLeod42) had no doubt: “I just know in my gut that Pope Alexander VI would constantly be leaving the toilet seat up.” Finally, Serena Jones (@Serena1642) thought “pretty much the entire English parliament in 1644”. I wouldn’t disagree, but do we need to go that far back?
Anna Whitelock is head of history at Royal Holloway, University of London