‘Life is too short ... forget the past and do whatever makes you happy’
Amanda Wilson (52) lives in Dromore and is a watch commander with the Northern Ireland Fire & Rescue Service. She is married to Geoff and has two sons Phillip (31) and Ross (24). She says:
Iwas first married when I was 19. It sounds young, but back then it wasn’t really regarded as all that unusual.
Living together was frowned upon then so getting married and moving out of your parents’ house was the next step and the obvious thing to do.
The marriage only lasted six years and didn’t work out for various reasons. Once we split up, I became a single mum to Phillip.
My son was my focus, but I never said I wouldn’t marry again. I knew that my experience hadn’t put me off marriage for life and that if I met the right person I would consider it again.
I had known Geoff through mutual friends and he was a fireman at the time. Phillip was crazy about fire stations and firemen, so he offered to show him around.
He took him to a fire station, gave him a great time and sent him home talking about everything to do with the fire service.
I thanked him and said that he should call over for coffee some time — he was there an hour later. After about a month I was in the kitchen one day and Geoff was in the living room with Phillip, who was six at the time.
I heard Phillip ask him if he could call him ‘dad’. I was mortified and held my breath, but Geoff never flinched. He said he thought that would be okay.
I remember thinking ‘Well, if that doesn’t put him off, nothing will’.
And it didn’t put him off, and we just became a very tight threesome.
I think the fact that Geoff was so good and so kind to Phillip was a huge draw for me and we became serious early on.
After a year-and-a-half Geoff asked me to marry him and I didn’t hesitate. I knew it was what I wanted.
Besides, we had talked about starting a family and I didn’t want to do that without being married first.
We were engaged for six months and got married in 1993. Initially we planned a very small wedding but it just kind of snowballed.
We got married in a church and had a big reception — wedding cars, cake and all the trimmings.
We didn’t make it smaller because it was second time around, but celebrated the day with friends and family. The only difference was that I didn’t wear a wedding dress, instead I
When I divorced I was determined to make sure my son had everything he needed
opted for a two-piece suit.
Our son Ross was a honeymoon baby and was born later that year.
After that we were very busy raising our young family and concentrating on the boys and our careers. Our marriage just worked and we have always been a very close family.
Back when I remarried I think there was almost a stigma to being in a second marriage. My mum and dad had divorced when I was 11, in 1977, and there were school friends of mine who never knew my parents had separated because it was so frowned upon and such a taboo.
When I divorced I worked hard and stood on my own two feet. I was determined to show that I was alright and to make sure my son had everything he needed.
My advice to Meghan Markle or indeed to anyone marrying a second time round is that life is too short so let the past be in the past and do what makes you happy.
Everyone is entitled to a happy future and there is no point in sitting in the corner and feeling sorry for yourself if your first marriage hasn’t worked out.
There are always a lot of factors involved when a marriage ends and you just need to get back out there and get on with it.
Second time marriages can be wonderful, not least because you are more inclined to make it work as you know what you want.
The fact you have also been through a divorce makes you stronger as well.”