‘My daughter became the youngest trans child in the UK’
Jeneen, 40, explains how Luna, ten, asked to be a girl from the age of three
When Luna was a baby, I bought her cute blue outfits and a mini Liverpool football kit. Her room had Hot Wheels wallpaper and a car track carpet. This is because Luna was born biologically male and I naturally assumed that she would like all these things.
At first, she seemed happy with them, but over the next few years, she started ignoring her car track and preferred playing with dolls and dressing up in tutus at nursery. I didn’t think anything of it because Luna was so young. Then, soon after her third birthday, she started asking, “When can I be a girl, Mum?” I’d brush it off and reply, “You’re not going to be a girl, you’re a boy.”
Only Luna kept asking and I began to wonder if this was more than just a phase. She became obsessed with Disney’s Frozen and wanted to be Elsa, so I bought her an Elsa dress to wear around the house, which she wore as often as she could. She’d wrap a scarf over her head, too, and pretend she had long hair.
Then in 2015, when Luna was four, she told me she wanted to go as Alice in Wonderland for a fancy dress day at school. I wanted to check it was OK with her school, so I went to chat to her teacher and explained how Luna seemed to identify more as a girl at home. The teacher agreed. She explained that Luna mostly played with girls at school and whenever they did imaginative role play, she was always the mum or the sister – never the dad or the son.
Openly discussing whether my child could be transgender suddenly overwhelmed me and when I went back to my car, I burst into tears. I didn’t know much about gender diversity and didn’t know any trans people, but I felt terrified for Luna and the problems it might cause her. I was petrified of her enduring a loveless life full of people judging and hating her.
As soon as I got back to our home in Liverpool, I started Googling the subject and downloading resources from Mermaids, the transgender support charity for young people and kids. I watched Youtube videos of trans people talking about their situation. I was relieved, because their stories helped me realise that transitioning didn’t mean the end. Luna could have a happy, fulfilling life and find love as a girl. I made an appointment with my GP, who referred Luna to see a psychologist at the NHS Tavistock gender identity clinic for children in Leeds. Their Gender Identity Service [GIDS] would help Luna explore her feelings around gender and work out the right path for her.
I understood that social transitioning for Luna to become a girl would be a gradual process, so for the time being, she carried on wearing boys’ clothes in public and at school, but wore her princess dresses at home with me.
Then in August 2016,
I took Luna along to Liverpool Pride, like we did every year, and this time she wore her Alice in Wonderland dress. She looked so happy and that’s when I asked if she wanted to wear girls’ clothes all the time. “Yes please, Mum,” she said with a huge smile. So, I took her shopping to Primark and bought two dresses, jeans with hearts on and a pair of pink jelly shoes. The moment we got home, she emptied her wardrobe of all the boys’ clothes, put them into bin bags, and hung her new clothes up with pride.
I realised it was time to tell my family. When I did, some were upset and felt she was too young to decide to be a girl. But I explained I couldn’t tell Luna how she felt and this wasn’t going away. Eventually, my relatives softened, especially when they saw how much happier Luna was.
By then, Luna had grown her hair longer and, with the school’s support, she started the academic year in September wearing a girls’ uniform. Thankfully, everyone was very accepting. Occasionally, kids would ask why she was in a skirt, and she’d reply, “Because it makes me happy,” and that was it.
After a couple of months, she changed her name to what she’s known as now. She chose Luna
‘When can I be a girl, Mum?’
because we both love the moon, and although it took a while for people to get used to it and referring to her as “she” and “her”, she continued to flourish. When she was seven, we changed her name by deed poll and the following year, Luna was baptised again and the vicar was so lovely – he wore a rainbow scarf.
But though the kids at school had been accepting at first, when she was eight, Luna started being bullied. She dreaded going to school and would come home in tears. My heart broke for her, and the teachers did as much they could, but in June last year, I decided to take Luna out of school. I left my NHS job to homeschool her while I set up my e-commerce business. It was absolutely the right decision.
Since leaving school, Luna, now 11, is thriving and we’ve found an incredibly supportive local homeschooling community where she’s gained a wonderful group of inclusive and diverse friends. She’s outspoken and creative, loves drama and art, and has recently started singing lessons.
Since the age of five, she’s been having psychologist appointments at the Tavistock centre and now she’s hit puberty early, she’ll start being assessed to begin hormone blockers in a year’s time. It’s a safe medication that halts puberty and will give Luna time to decide if she wants to eventually physically transition as a woman or not. People do change their minds
– not often, but it happens. I don’t think Luna will reverse her decision, but if she does, I’ll be there for her. As a parent, you just want your child to be happy.
We have received hateful comments and messages on social media, but I’ve learnt to ignore them. I know Luna will encounter prejudice as she grows up, but she’s self-assured and has a great support network. I know she’ll be OK.
Although it doesn’t happen to all parents of trans children, I’ve had to deal with some complex emotions myself, including “grieving” for the child I used to have. But Luna is such a great kid and makes me so proud. I feel blessed to have her as a daughter.
‘She has great support’
For help and more information, go to Mermaidsuk.org.uk