‘My gorgeous girl is wonderful at caring for others,’
says Shelley Gray, 44, from Birmingham
By the time my daughter, Chloe, 24, and son, Jack, 21, were well into their teens, I thought it was time for me to think about travelling. My husband, David, 42, and I were keen to visit places all over the world now that the children were older. But our plans were suddenly changed when I discovered I was pregnant at the age of 37.
It was a massive shock, but when I had a bleed and thought I might be losing the baby, I realised just how much I wanted it. On my own, I went for a scan at the 20-week mark but became alarmed when the sonographer said she needed to fetch a consultant to look at the screen. He said he thought my baby girl had Down syndrome, and I burst into tears. When I went home, my son asked what was wrong because he spotted I was red-eyed. At first, I didn’t want to tell him, but he insisted.
In the end, I said there were concerns about the baby. He asked if she was dead, and when I shook my head, he was relieved and said that was all that mattered. As soon as Jack had spoken those profound words, I realised he was right. That really was all that mattered and when I told David, his instant positivity boosted me more. His late sister was born with spina bifida. We agreed we were better placed than many couples because of the insight I had from my job and because he had experienced disability in his family.
I worked as a quality improvement manager of learning disability services, so I knew some of the challenges involved. I turned down an amniocentesis test, which would have confirmed definitively if my baby girl had Down’s, because the test carries a risk of miscarriage. I was excited to become a mum again, yet I had fears for her future and what she would face.
When Macey was born at 36 weeks, I glimpsed her dark hair and saw David cuddle her before she was whisked to a neo-natal ward. I was so scared when her respiratory levels dropped but she fought hard. She’s had several health setbacks, and was just under two when she had a nasty lung infection which needed intensive treatment in hospital. Twice, she’s had Strep A, and an agonising pain in her tummy led to her appendix being removed. But the pain turned out to be a secondary infection affecting her pancreas.
Macey’s frequent stays in hospital gave her a fear of white coats, and it was made worse by a visit to the optician’s when bright lights were shone into her eyes. We worked on desensitisation with her, and now Macey, six, takes her doll, Ella, with her to appointments and carries out the same things to Ella as the doctors do to her. She learnt to speak at two when her first word was “Dad” but her communication is delayed, so she’s learning Makaton. Macey tells me firmly that she wants to be a nurse. I’m not surprised because she has all the caring skills necessary. She is incredibly sociable, and if she sees someone on their own, she immediately goes over to them to make them feel included. And her teacher says she’s an absolute natural when it comes to being around the children with autism, taking them under her wing. She’s our little live-wire and would make a wonderful nurse.
‘She is incredibly sociable’