WHY DO I FEAR CHRISTMAS SO MUCH?

Isiblings. My parents ’m one of an Irish family – with six us the best Christmas always tried their hardest to give trust me, wasn’t they could with what they had – which, led to a lot of tension, much. However, the financial strain up of their marriage arguments and eventually the break-

As a married just after a particularly bad Christmas. in a much more woman and parent now myself, I’m

Dad were, but this time privileged position than Mum and pain and strain we all of year is a constant reminder of the can’t shake the feeling went through. Decades later, I still

I really want to finally of sadness at this time of year and in the moment with my put the past behind me, so I can be own family. What do you suggest? Aideen, Sheffield MANDY SAYS: year for a lot of us. Despite Christmas can be a very stressful time of with family and friends, wanting to relax and spend precious time to be perfect on one day the pressure we put on ourselves for all this. Our heightened can actually prevent us from achieving exactly disappointment and expectation and investment sets us up for ordinary conflicts that resentment, leaving little patience for the happen in families every day. and disappointment I think it’s also useful to recognise the suffering so that even now, in different you endured has remained in your mind

Let this motivate you to circumstances, you remain deeply affected. children because, as you say, adopt a different approach with your own it’s time to let the buck stop here. you need to be. Satisfy It’s difficult but the middleground is where feelings relating to the ‘wallowing’ by privately honouring your at photographs to help childhood experience, perhaps by looking through adult eyes, appreciate accept what happened. Then, look again have come, and let it go. what you have learned and how far you then you are at high risk If lack of money caused childhood hurt, financial boundaries of ‘over giving’ to compensate. Set yourself to them. Think about the around how much you will spend, and stick of Christmas you want to have, adjectives that would describe the kind normal tensions within an and have it, while accepting the various go of controlling everything, intimate family Christmas. You must let and the expectation of the perfectionism of timings and presentation, this happen’ - and let it unfold. gratitude ‘after all you’ve done to make and you are still stuck in the You fear Christmas because it hurt you, have in past. Look hard at who and what you actually your life today.