I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FAILURE

Ihad a son who died after a long illness six years ago, aged 15. His two older sisters didn’t get much of my attention when he was ill or when I was totally grief-stricken, and are now out of control. They both take drugs and two of my grandchildren have been taken into care. It’s heartbreaking, Vanessa. They blame me and my husband for everything – telling us we were too cold and deprived them of things after their brother died – but they wanted material things and didn’t have money. We certainly tried to give them as much love as we could. I feel like a failure, and I want to stop feeling this way. I don’t know what to do.

Vicky, Leeds

You are still grieving your agonising loss and my heart goes out to you. In desperately sad family tragedies, people often look for someone to blame – and it seems that in your case, it’s you. Even you are heaping responsibility for this awful bereavement on yourself. This is not your fault. You have done all you can to support your daughters through their suffering. Seek the help of a bereavement counsellor and suggest your family members attend sessions with you. I truly feel for you.