Carol McGiffin
Wise words from our feisty, fearless and funny columnist
‘How many times a day do you say sorry? I say it a lot, but then I’m British, it’s what we do. Bump into an inanimate object – “Sorry!” A stranger treads on your foot – “Sorry!” And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just our innate politeness kicking in.
I sometimes do it without thinking in marital matters too, dropping the odd “sorry” through gritted teeth just to keep the peace, or to end an argument. In those situations, there’s no point in holding out, even if you’re not in the wrong.
I try to tell this to my friend who says her inability to use the S word has left her single, again, in her mid-50s.
But I’m getting quite concerned about the increasing demand for big, public apologies, which aren’t real expressions of remorse, but done more to appease an angry mob. It’s wrong, not only because if it’s said without honestly feeling actual sorrow, it’s totally meaningless. But also, often saying the word isn’t enough. Collective apologies on behalf of other people are equally futile, not to mention insulting and offensive. Like when politicians do those grand-standing apologies for historic events they had nothing to do with – it’s pathetic.
I get told quite often on social media that I “should” apologise for something I’ve said, simply because some keyboardwarrior doesn’t agree with me. I never have, although I would if I did actually get something wrong or felt genuinely sorry. It all depends what’s at stake or what you’re prepared to lose, as a result of sticking to your principles, I suppose. I don’t care if I lose a few followers but if it meant I might get sued, or lose a job I couldn’t afford to lose, I’d have to think about it.’