Just like Naomi, I joined the New Mum Club at 50!
As Naomi Campbell celebrates her first child, Amy Speace, mum to Huckleberry, three, shares her story of becoming a later-life mum
It was a magical birthday. Surrounded by my best friends and my husband, Jamey, we played cards, told stories and listened to music.
But there was no cocktail in my glass and I wasn’t dancing. In fact, I wasn’t getting up at all. ‘Fifty and nine months pregnant!’ I thought, looking down at my beautiful bump.
The flutter of my unborn baby inside me made me feel invincible. It may have taken a while for me to get there. But I couldn’t wait for the next chapter to begin.
I never planned to be an older mum. For decades, I never planned to be a mum at all. Growing up, I didn’t have any interest in having children, and in my 20s and 30s, I lived in New York, pursuing a career in acting and singing.
There was no biological clock ticking for me. Not only busy and ambitious, I was in an unhappy marriage.
The closest I got was at 35, when a friend struggled to conceive. I visited a fertility doctor to look into freezing my eggs. He was dismissive, making me feel that I was already too late. I didn’t grieve, I pushed the idea away and got back to my career.
By 2014, when I was 46, so much had changed. I was divorced and had moved to Nashville. I was single and happy with my girlfriends and my dog. I felt at peace. Then, I went to a coffee shop and there was Jamey.
At first, I refused to believe that this handsome, thoughtful guy – seven years younger than me – was interested. Then he kissed me.
Lots of his friends had children, and I loved watching him with them. He’d be an amazing father. Falling in love, I realised I did want a baby. Jamey’s baby.
We got engaged in 2015 and started looking at the options – it was one hurdle after the next. My eggs weren’t viable.
Adoption, surrogacy, even IVF with an egg donor, all were incredibly expensive.
We married in 2016 and with every path to parenthood leading to another dead end, I started to get depressed.
I felt I was disappointing
Jamey and became insecure about my age.
Then in January 2017, we discovered Jamey’s job came with private health insurance. Not only did it cover IVF, but also egg donation. I was thrilled. ‘Let’s do this!’ I said, jumping on the phone.
It’s a good job we did,
‘I juggled night feeds and night sweats’
as 50 was the cut-off.
Family and friends were behind us. No one said I was too old to be a mum.
With time ticking, we had to move fast. While it’s the age of the egg that has the biggest impact on viability of the
pregnancy, my age still meant the success rate was only around 40 per cent.
For 10 days after my first implantation, I had all the symptoms of pregnancy and was giddy. But I wasn’t. I was devastated. We only had one try – and a few months – left.
At the second implantation, there was a problem with the embryo. I thought we had no chance of success.
So, when the call came 10 days later that I was pregnant, I collapsed on the floor sobbing with Jamey.
Thankfully the pregnancy was pretty smooth. Yes,
I had exhaustion and swollen legs. My age meant I had extra scans and an increased chance of a Caesarean birth. And being called a ‘geriatric mother’ drove me crazy!
It was also a bit lonely… In Tennessee, America, women have their children young, so I didn’t see any mums my age.
My only birth plan was ‘get the baby out alive’. I didn’t have a nursery decoration scheme or in-depth prenatal classes. I just took each day as it came.
I celebrated what my body was doing. ‘This is the only time I’ll do this’, I’d think as I watched my stomach grow and felt my child kick. ‘I’m going to make the most of every moment.’
When Huckleberry was born by Caesarean on 16 March 2018, my life changed forever. ‘I’m a mum,’ I sobbed.
What’s life like for a 50-year-old mum? In many ways, the same as at any age. You’re never ready for the lack of sleep. Like so many women, I struggled with breastfeeding and faced post-natal depression.
But, of course, there have been some things unique to my journey. My C-section took longer to heal because of my age – three months rather than six weeks. I had to juggle new parenthood and the perimenopause, so night feeds and night sweats at the same time! I’d have loved to have more children, so seeing young mums with years ahead of them to build families can be hard. I’ve also had moments of thinking, ‘I’ll be 70 when Huckleberry goes to college’ – or, ‘I wonder if I will meet my grandchildren?’ That’s hard to think about, so I focus on the here and now. Although most people are surprised when they learn my age, last week a woman called me Nana. But I didn’t panic and think, ‘Am I too old, do I need to dye my hair?’, I just replied, ‘I’m his mum, bless your heart.’ A polite way of saying, ‘You’re an idiot!’ Jamey and I just laughed. Being an older mum has advantages. Emotionally and psychologically, I’m much stronger than I was at 30. I’ve seen the world and I don’t have any fear of missing out.
I don’t sweat the small stuff, like worrying if Huckleberry drinks non-organic milk or what happens if he doesn’t get into the ‘right’ nursery.
At my age, I know none of that matters. And I certainly don’t care what other people think about me. I’ve had decades to know and love myself, and I put that into being a great mum.
At 53, my advice to Naomi Campbell is to enjoy every moment. Last week, I took Huckleberry to the zoo, where he sang Moon River to me and my heart was so full. I may have taken a longer road to get here, but being a mum has made me happier than ever.