A foreign fling brought me back to life
When Samantha Priestley found herself in an unhappy relationship, she never expected a chance encounter to change her outlook…
In my jewellery box, in a tangle of necklaces, was a gold crucifix on a chain. I never wore it but, occasionally, I held it in my hand and looked at it, remembering. Because that simple gold necklace changed my life…
When I was 17, I thought
I had it all sussed out. In my leather biker jacket with my Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin T-shirts, I was part of the rock scene in my hometown of Sheffield.
I had a cool boyfriend – John*, 19, who, with his long hair, looked like a singer in a band. Just three months after we met, while I was still studying for my A-levels, we’d moved in together.
My mum was outraged, just as I would be if my now grown-up daughters announced they were shacking up with a boyfriend while still at school.
‘I’m 17 – I can do what
I want,’ I insisted.
I felt so grown-up, gushing to anyone who’d listen about how brilliant John was and our plans to marry one day.
Moving into a room with John in a shared house, life felt like an adventure.
No more explaining to Mum and Dad when I’d be home – John and I spent our evenings at Sheffield’s legendary rock bar Wapentake. It was dingy and the music was deafening, but pints in hand, we were in rock heaven.
But, over time, the excitement dimmed. I loved the job in a bookshop I’d found, but the wages weren’t great.
Skint, we moved from a room in one shared house to another, each more squalid than the last. And, as our housemates were blokes, I was always stuck with the cleaning.
This wasn’t grown-up and sophisticated. It was a drudge!
One evening, all we had in the world was the pound note in my purse. John ran to the shops to buy dinner – beans on toast, I expected. But he returned with a Giant Toblerone.
‘That’s it?’ I gasped, angry. He was so irresponsible!
Two years into the relationship, we niggled at each other constantly. John always put me down, chipping away at my confidence.
I avoided going home after work and when I did return, John quizzed me about where I’d been and who with. I’d felt more free at Mum and Dad’s.
But I couldn’t face the humiliation of going home to them with my tail between my legs. And I couldn’t afford a room on my own. So, I stayed with John, though I was miserable – I couldn’t see a way out.
Then, when I was 21, Mum and Dad invited me on a fortnight’s family holiday to the Algarve in Portugal.
‘Sorry, but we can’t afford to pay for John to come as well,’ Mum said.
He was peeved but I wasn’t passing up the chance of my first holiday in five years.
And, in a big – clean – apartment close to the beach, it was bliss.
Every night after dinner we went to the bar across the road where a cute waiter called Tiago* always chatted to me. ‘He likes you,’ Mum said. Confidence at an all-time low, I wasn’t sure. But, a week into our holiday, Tiago asked: ‘Will you meet me when I finish my shift?’ Waiting outside the bar at midnight I was nervous and when Tiago appeared, smartly dressed in a shirt and jeans for our date, I melted. He was gorgeous and, I discovered as he bought me a drink in a late-night bar, a real gentleman.
Over the next week, we spent every spare minute together. We walked along the shore – by day, when he teased me about my ginger hair and being the whitest person on the beach, and at night, kissing with the waves lapping at our feet.
And Tiago took me to my first ever foam party.
‘This is the most fun I’ve had in ages,’ I shouted over the techno beats as we clung to each other, slipping around on the foamy floor.
At first, I felt guilty about John but, after a couple of days with Tiago, that turned to anger. Picking me flowers as we walked along hand-inhand, Tiago made me feel how every girl should when she’s with her boyfriend – cherished and adored. John made me feel worthless and a doormat.
One evening, I told Tiago how unhappy I was at home. Ashamed, I’d never admitted it to anyone before but, through tears, it all spilled out.
‘You have to leave him,’ Tiago said.
He was right.
Saying goodbye to Tiago as we waited for the coach to the airport was hard.
‘I want you to have this,’ he said, removing the gold crucifix on a chain from around his neck. So romantic…
‘I’ll write,’ I promised. Back in England, I went straight home from the airport and told John I was leaving.
He begged me not to go. But as I packed my things, I knew this was the right decision for both of us – all the bickering was dragging him down too.
Then I caught a taxi to my parents’. It was over. I was free.
For a few months, Tiago and I wrote letters to each other
Walking hand-inhand, Tiago made me feel how every girl should
but, over time, our relationship fizzled out. I was having a great time being single, painting the town red with the girls. Portugal felt a long way away, but I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do that had it not been for Tiago.
Then, a year later, I met my husband and, by the age of 26 I was pregnant with my first daughter Eva, now 25. Three years later I gave birth to Lily, now 22.
Still, I never forgot Tiago – he’d made me realise I deserved a man who adored, respected and believed in me. My husband had a lot to measure up to and, when we split amicably after two decades together, so did my now-partner William. They’re both in the Tiago mould – kind and loving.
In an idle moment a few years ago, I looked Tiago up on Facebook. He has an English wife and lives in the UK, half an hour away from me. ‘How are you?’ I messaged. A cheerful reply pinged back and now we’re Facebook friends.
Now, at 51, I’ll show him this feature so he knows how important our week together was for me. He gave me two holiday souvenirs – the gold necklace and the gift of confidence that’s lasted a lifetime. Obrigada, Tiago.
HOLIDAYS ARE HOT!
and It’s no surprise that we often feel happier science more positive on holiday. There’s the a bit – that vitamin D from the sun triggers release of dopamine, the ‘feel good’ chemical in our brains, which can also lead to sexual desire. But, also, people relax on holiday. of Trips away are a break from the humdrum our daily routines, offering an opportunity can to rather than do. Through that we be lain rediscover parts of ourselves that have hidden for years under that laundry pile…
Boosting your confidence will make you feel sexier and holidays are a great way to improve your self-esteem, but you need to approach this with courage, an open mind and a broad smile that encourages people to talk to you. My advice for solo holidaymakers is to book a trip with purpose and structure. You won’t feel sexy and independent sitting on a sun lounger by the pool thinking: ‘I’m bored and lonely. How do I fill the time until supper?’ Instead, choose a holiday around a hobby – a walking trip or music festival, perhaps. You’ll be busy and fulfilled spending time with like-minded people.