‘Don’t call me a cr Jay Courtney, one!’
At 65, believes so strongly age is just a number, she’s written a book telling us why ‘at your age’ is a good thing to hear. We’re listening!
Handing over a copy of the book to each of my daughters, I waited patiently while they read the dedication page.
To my powerful and beautiful daughters and my wonderful and magical granddaughters. My wish for you is that, by the time you become crones, you will wonder what I was making such a fuss about.
My eldest burst into tears and my youngest was speechless. It was a special moment, especially as I was the author of those words – and of the book. It had been an important journey and one that was spurred by my passion for equality and all while championing wonderful women from everyday life…
For as long as I could remember, I’d always been working towards something. I’d dedicated myself to raising my two wonderful grown-up daughters alongside a busy career in education and public health.
I’d always been active – enjoying walking, crafting, reading and socialising. And in my early 50s, I’d gone through the menopause. It was a tough time both physically and mentally but, back then, there seemed to be a conspiracy of silence around the subject and it felt like the start of becoming less visible in society.
I loved my work, but I hadn’t realised how much my sense of self was wrapped up in my role. I hadn’t been thinking about retirement but, after being diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome in 2012 (which led to lots of time off ), I had to make a decision. I realised I wasn’t going to be able to give work my all, and so in 2016, aged 58, I’d retired.
I never thought for a moment that I’d struggle with it. I had my hobbies, loved looking after my grandkids, but the pace seemed to change. I didn’t identify with what I thought were outdated labels for retirees… pensioner, postmenopausal, granny. I’d always advocated for equality and found ‘ageism’ unexpected and damaging.
The most offensive was when I went for appointments with medical professionals and the term ‘at your age’ kept cropping up. I’d been so excited about this next stage in my life, but I’d quickly felt at a loss. When I asked a retired friend how she was coping, she said: ‘I find things to fill my time.’
So, I joined some local groups, did some solo hiking, but I drew the line at attending an art group at a local nursing home. ‘I just can’t do it,’ I said to my daughters.
I’d always been an equal at work, enjoyed being part of a mixed, vibrant, young team. But the retired world felt old-fashioned. I’d gone from feeling invincible to invisible and needed to find ways to shake off the ‘greige’. I couldn’t live the next 30 years of my life like this. And I didn’t want my daughters – or granddaughters – feeling like
‘If there’s one thing I’ve learned’ Age is just a number. These last few years have been some of the richest in my life and I’ve enjoyed every moment of adventuring.
I NEEDED TO FIND WAYS TO SHAKE OFF THE ‘GREIGE’
this in years to come.
Slowly, I realised I needed to change. I started writing a diary for my own sanity and signed up to an MA Travel and Nature writing course at Bath Spa University, near my Gloucestershire home. I also joined Love Her Wild – a women’s adventure community.
It was through those avenues that I found like-minded – and wonderful – people. Women that had also raised families, had careers, cared for parents, suffered break-ups and bereavements.
They were willing to share their experiences with me and it was comforting knowing that many had felt like I had but had found their way. I felt less alone, less isolated.
And it got me thinking about writing a book. I’d never dreamt it would be something I’d do, but I wanted to help the next generation reclaim later life without the damaging labels. I approached a few people to see if they’d share their stories. Their own tales were heartfelt, inspiring and moving.
Like Alex who had taken part in various ultramarathons despite undergoing bowel cancer treatment and Ginny who took over holiday company Walking Women with her sister after her partner died. These women had also questioned their place in society – much like I had – and were equally exasperated by ‘at your age’ and ‘past it’ labels that were thrust upon us.
During lockdown, I’d spoken to 50 women over Zoom, phone calls and distanced meetings when allowed. They shared the ups and downs of their journeys with me, and it made me more determined to get it down on paper. I wanted to write a book that I wanted to read and to break down some barriers.
‘Are you sure, Mum?’ my daughters asked. But I knew it was something I had to do. It gave me purpose, focus and started to redefine this new chapter. I still walked, went camping and socialised when I could, plus spent as much time with my granddaughters as possible.
One day, I was reading a piece by an American writer – Jean Shinoda Bolen and she’d written about Juicy Crones – the latter being a derogatory term for older women. She’d described not being dried up, that her brain hadn’t turned to mush, and she wasn’t ready to wear beige. It really struck a chord with me and I knew that’s what I wanted to name the book.
So, I emailed her, explained what I was doing and asked if I could use her brilliant phrase.
I’d be delighted she wrote back, wishing me luck with my venture.
In January this year, we launched the book just after my 65th birthday. Friends and family came to support me, and I meant every word in my dedication. I hoped it would break down barriers and pave the way for the next generation, so they didn’t find themselves lost after they retired.
There are over 12 million postmenopausal women in the UK and over a billion worldwide that are full of wisdom and adventure. I’m happy to be at this stage of my life. I want younger women to know that ageing is a wonderful part of their future and I’m amazed to have published my first book at 65 – who knows what the next adventure might bring...