SPRING IS DEMANDING
There are a lot of good things about Spring, which is on its way, people. It smells great, for starters. As a woman who, thanks to HRT, has a particularly keen nose, my favourite seasonal combo is the whiff of blue hyacinths crossed with hot-cross buns. Swoon!
However, it’s a very awkward time for fashion. This is the season of opening your wardrobe, only to find that everything is too Wintry, too Summery or too Autumny (i.e. orange). Spring should be a time for optimism, but it fills me with unease. It’s unreliable. There should be an official day when you swap the very heavy overcoat for the medium-weight number, but everyone is confused – the other day,
I saw a man wearing shorts!
Spring needs a uniform all of its own. It needs a crisp shirt with a sleeveless pullover (possibly pink) and a cardi, just in case. It needs a decent pair of trousers that aren’t plain black, a really good rain mack that somehow manages to keep you dry, whilst still looking really cool and a pair of trainers that won’t be ruined should it suddenly snow.
Spring is demanding. Spring is when the fashionistas show the rest of us up. This is when those in the know stride out in this season’s new shapes and colours, which apparently include cobalt blue, lowrise waistbands and lots of fringing. Oh dear, the only thing I’ve got in cobalt blue are my varicose veins. ‘Low-rise’ means ‘gut hanging out’ and as for fringing, I did it back in the Seventies and it was annoying the first time around, so why would I bother doing it again?
Spring is when you have to start taking off the layers and coming to terms with what lies beneath, which is, inevitably, a great deal of wobbly flesh in an odd grey colour, complete with stray hairs, which for some reason have sprouted round the backs of your thighs.
Forget Spring cleaning, the house can wait,
Spring is when personal grooming becomes a full-time job, starting with your feet and ending with your chin. This is the season for toenail clippers and tweezers. Let’s face it, the light is just right for deforestation right now. My windows might be filthy, but I’ll tackle those next week. Right now, pluck, pluck, pluck – my chin is going to be as smooth as my grandson’s bum.
Come on Spring, let’s be having you! ...which should include a crisp shirt
‘Spring is when personal grooming becomes full-time’