Kawasaki ZH2 V Aprilia RSV4 1100 Factory

Next up for consideration are the Kawasaki Z H2 and the Aprilia RSV4 1100 Factory. And immediately there is a significant problem. ‘I really don’t like black,’ announces Grayson, eyeing up this predominantly matt pairing. ‘I never buy anything black. It’s one of my golden rules. No black clothes and certainly no black motorcycles. People say, “Yeah black’s classic ain’t it.” No, it’s not, it’s boring.’

Despite the colour choice there’s plenty to interest him about the Kawasaki. ‘It’s come straight out of a video game,’ he comments. ‘Incel styling for boys who spend too much time in their bedrooms, but it’s beautifully done and it’s where Computer Aided Design was always leading. There are so many facets on it, it’s very Transformers. It’s playing to a generation who’ve grown up on video games.

He returns to the Kawasaki and is warming to it. ‘Aesthetically it’s up there, a contender definitely. It’s very contemporary and beautifully done. But we are looking at the money side (with the silencer). You need to look round the back to see what they’ve done there.’

The other side reveals what Grayson expected – a lot of barely concealed wires, cables, hoses and connectors. ‘I always think gubbins is an opportunity for creativity, but they don’t always take it. It’s always the bits and bobs that kind of ruin it, though with black-on-black they’re hoping it will disappear.

‘A lot of the money you spend on a custom bikes is hiding all the cables and wire and stuff. I suppose on a production bike it’s practical, but it really looks like the back of a washing machine from this side.’ We return to the ‘good’ side.

‘My view of it has changed going round it. The money side is much better, it’s got the supercharger tucked in there with its 1980s disco font. The writing round the ignition key is swooshy too, as though turning the key is a speedy thing to do. Whooosh.’ More laughter.

And now it’s the turn of the Aprilia. So what’s the standout detail here? ‘Look at the rear light,’ enthuses Grayson. ‘Kin hell that’s designed to within an inch of its life. You can imagine that made out of chromed metal and stuck on the front of a 1950s Oldsmobile. They have solved the number plate mounting problem much better than the Harley too.’ ‘Aprilia have always done quite interesting looks and they don’t always follow the trend. Often they’ve done a bitty look whereas a Honda will look like it was cast out of one piece. I like that bitty look. ‘Even for a sportsbike it has a very nose-down stance. It looks like the weight of the fairing is all dropped over the front wheel, almost like it’s come off the frame. It looks like it’s braking even when it’s not, and I don’t think that’s what you want to say about a sportsbike. (More laughter). What you want is, “Yeah it looks like it’s doing a thousand miles an hour standing still,” but this looks like it’s just having an eyeball popping braking session and has come to a standstill.’

The sculptor in him appreciates the variations in finish too. ‘I like the texture of the aluminium (on the swingarm and frame), it feels proper Italian. I’m not so sure about all this carbon fibre though. Along with camouflage, it’s the male pink. (Laughter.) There is a lot of loaded symbolism with carbon fibre even when it’s not necessarily functional. It’s expensive, high tech, lightweight, super strong, all the things that kind of metaphors for your masculinity nowadays.’

And the winglets? ‘They are kind of like a peacock’s feathers, for showing off,’ reckons Grayson. ‘They probably don’t do anything till you are doing 200mph or something.’ He shakes his head. ‘F**k me. Wings. On a bike. Amazing.

‘It’s a beautifully made motorcycle, much more so than the Kawasaki, but I’d like to see it in a different colour scheme. The aesthetic of it is not quite there for me.

So, in an all black semi-final, the Kawasaki gets the nod.

‘They probably don’t do anything till you are doing 200mph… F**k me. Wings. On a bike. Amazing’