Paranoia has taken hold

Bristol

WELL, my friends, I know these are troubling times, but I think paranoia has taken hold in certain areas.

My mate phoned me last week from Chewton Bunny and told me there had been a Covid-19 scare in his village. Quite a few people started walking backwards, breaking wind and whistling Jerusalem.

Professor Ernie Pokinhorn, a well respected epidemiologist conducted extensive tests and found that this particular outbreak was the less virulent “Belching Syndrome”. Apparently this is a form of coronavirus that is a result of drinking too much lemonade over a long period of time.

The first case was recorded in Kingswood, Bristol, in the 1970s and was traced to the old Tizer factory.

Oddly enough, the one thing I do miss in our pubs is the groups of young lip-pouting girls taking selfies. They resemble gold fish conventions and are a great source of amusement. Sometimes they even buy a drink!!

With a second lockdown imminent, I think the shelves in our supermarkets might be cleared by swarms of human locusts. Home delivery slots will be wiped out. Oh! deep joy.

Take care everyone and remember, it’s a jungle out there.

Beau Bristol