Loss of a baby
“Once we see the positive test we immediately imagine our future blossoming before us. When our baby dies, at whatever gestation or age, that future is snatched from us so very cruelly and we instead face a deep emptiness. We grieve the loss of not only our child, but the life together we’ve been denied.
“We lose first smiles, first steps and first day at school. It’s a huge grief to carry, and yes, you’re allowed to carry that grief forever. It will not always be intense and suffocating, but our babies are never forgotten.
“Don’t put timelines and expectations on yourself, instead understand that grief is part of your life. There will be endless love and pride and there will also be jealousy and anger – that is grief. Grieving isn’t negative, it’s necessary.” how you want to include your baby in your life, and I know I often wondered if other people were viewing some of my decisions as weird. But there’s a lot to be said for letting go of that fear of judgement and just doing whatever comforts you and k keeps you connected. “If you want to keep your baby p private, then do that. If you want t to put their photograph on your w wall, then do that. If you want to buy them a Christmas present, th then do that. Your baby, your m memories, your choices.” “WE’RE “W not great at dealing with grief gr in the western world. We tend to avoid anything death related and an as a result we’re often ill-equipped illto help others in their time of grief,” observes Nicola. “When my son died, I realised my loved ones were looking for me to take the lead. Perhaps it shouldn’t be that way, but people are so afraid of saying the wrong thing or upsetting us unnecessarily that silence ends up the easier option.
“It’s OK to say, ‘I want to remember my baby. I want to talk about them.’ If there’s a colour, symbol or animal that’s linked to your baby, then sharing that with friends and family allows them to be included in your remembrance.”