Imitation is the best form of flattery, until it turns into bullying, of course...

DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS

“AWWWW, look at that, Emma’s mimicking daddy,” I gushed, as she tried to copy my last sentence with nonsensical baby speak.

Finally, somebody finds me to be an inspiration, I thought. My very own little Rory Bremner had been imitating physical movements for a while but was now echoing the spoken word.

“How amazing”, I said, wondering if Britain’s Got Talent had ever featured an impersonator, who happened to be a baby.

At lunchtime, I noticed Emma was leaning her head to one side and Victoria shouted, “you do that”.

Obviously, I know I place my head on one side but wasn’t aware of how noticeable it was to everyone else, especially a baby. Victoria, sensing weakness, said that I’m always wobbling my head from side to side, maybe because my neck isn’t strong enough to support the size of it.

I didn’t like the way this was going, and I also noticed she’d started replicating the rhythm of my speech, which to me, sounded a little slow at times.

Victoria again confirmed I can speak a little slow, which she said is annoying if you’re in a hurry. I explained I’d only speak slowly if I was thinking of what to say, it wasn’t because I am slow, just thoughtful.

This mockery of the rhythm of my voice, my awkward movements and a variety of other behavioral afflictions was building in intensity. It was also becoming very apparent Emma and Victoria were enjoying this game more than I was.

What was initially a wonderful developmental milestone was drifting into mild bullying.

It was just before dinner

when Emma performed a particularly hurtful parody of me, which involved hand waving, head wobbling and slow garbled words.

Apparently, this was a flawless impersonation, according to Victoria.

Worryingly, I noticed Thomas watching her, looking at me and then laughing. My very own son and heir was in on the joke now.

Naturally, this was all very upsetting. I was being bullied in my own home by my own child, who was being encouraged by her mother and brother. The only positive I could cling to, as I hid alone in the corner of the kitchen away from the baying mob, was that this kind of behaviour demonstrated intelligence. Unfortunately, what Emma’s brilliant brain hadn’t fully grasped is daddy still held the power in this relationship. After a bit of time to think, daddy felt modern life It’s been an offered up enough mockery upsetting time without having to endure it for Richard at home. As a result of this, daddy was going to put Emma to bed early and consider ways to make her start to impersonate mummy.