What to do if someone is having a meltdown
GRANDMOTHER Lisa Parkinson echoed Zennya Dolman’s complaints about the lack of general understanding about autism.
She said people who stand and stare while someone is having a meltdown in public can intensify the problems, as people crowding and chattering can heighten the person’s sensory input.
She said: “People in society don’t recognise the needs of these people.
“I’ve seen my grandson having a meltdown and it’s like people are watching a show. Remember, people could be suffering.
“It’s about society’s understanding of people with these conditions, not the people themselves. And more needs to be done to improve that.
“Don’t make quick assumptions that people are just rude. If a child is having a meltdown, don’t presume that child is just naughty.
“They just need time to get calm and move on, they need to practise that as a crucial life skill.
“Just let it be dealt with effectively and move along.”
Lyn Blackman, an autistic mum
of two autistic children and chairman of the East Midlands Special Needs Circle, a group which supports autistic people and parents of autistic children, said the meltdowns serve an important purpose.
She said: “It is important to remember that a meltdown may be the only method of communication for a child who is not yet verbal to say that something is overwhelming for them.
“To an outsider with no experience of sensory overload this may be misconstrued as being a naughty or rude child.
“So think before you open your mouth. Is that child being ‘naughty’ or are they just not coping with the environment?
“Be kind, help if you can, and don’t stare.”
She provided a three-step method for people who are not used to children having sensory overloads to deal with the situation when it happens in public.
She firstly encouraged people to have empathy for the carer, who may already be sleepdeprived and anxious about their
child’s behaviour.
She said: “Meltdowns are a total loss of emotions and are overwhelming and exhausting for both the child and carer.
“Put yourself in the place of a person caring for someone who must deal with this, possibly every time they leave the house and never knowing when or if it will happen.
“We don’t need people being judgemental or staring and pointing, and we most certainly don’t need to feel that we are bad at parenting.”
Next, people should assess whether they can help the situation in any way, without making it worse by doing so.
Lyn said: “Sometimes children are so lost in a meltdown all we can do is stay close and keep them safe and sit near them until it passes.
“Other times we need to remove them from a situation. Having someone just carrying our bag to the car or helping if we have other children with us makes a huge difference.”
But, in some situations, Lyn said, there is simply not the opportunity for passers-by to
help. In these cases, people should stop and think before moving along without staring and making the situation worse.
Lyn said: “I remember my son having a meltdown at a motorway services. He was slamming his head on the concrete floor.
“Four hours before he had been at the same services and he was fine, so I decided to call in again to grab a drink for us both.
“The trigger was a change in the lighting. It had been daylight and now it was dark. It was as simple as that.
“I had to sit on top of him, restraining him from behind so he didn’t cut open his head.
“People were standing there laughing and pointing.
“When I finally got him under control and in the car, I sat and sobbed. I was exhausted and he was too.
“If someone had just offered to help instead of standing and staring that would have made such a difference to him and to me. I know it can be very hard not to judge when you have not had any experiences of a child with additional needs, but please spare a thought and be kind.”