LAW OF THE CAMPSITE

Gillian Law’s camping thoughts

NEXT WEEK I’m going to get my nails painted for the first time in a year and a half, and I can’t wait to have pretty red varnish glistening every time I pick up my cup of tea.

If I’m honest, I have tried painting them myself once or twice, but I’m not very good at it! I tend to get smudges left and right, and then I’m too impatient to let them dry so they develop strange textures and lumpy bits. So, time for a professional. It’s a very close-up business, though, getting your nails done, so I hadn’t dared go until my full vaccination kicked in.

“And what the heck has this to do with camping?”, you might reasonably be wondering.

Well, as it turns out, I’m not entirely a down-toearth camper type – I do love having nice nails, even when I’m essentially living on the ground amid grass and mud and dust. It would be even better to have glamorous hair, too, but that’s usually beyond me, so I’ll stick to some varnish on my hands and just put my hair back in a ponytail.

It does confuse some people, though! I remember once I was talking to a fellow cyclecamper and she was complaining that the water in the dishwashing sink was too hot. “I can’t even put my hands in there!” It was one of those pushbutton single taps, too, so she couldn’t add any cold water. “I’m going to have to stand here until it cools down!”

“Hold on,” I said. “I have rubber gloves – I’ll go and get them.”

I got back to find her scrutinising me, a funny look on her face.

“So, like, you’re cycle-camping, right? Doing it all lightweight?”

“Eh, yes?”

“And you carry… dishwashing gloves?”

“Oh right – yes, I know,” I said, laughing. “It’s because I don’t want to damage my nails!”

Reader, that was not the right answer. I’ve seldom seen someone look so perplexed and downright disappointed in me! But it’s her own silly preconceptions: a thin layer of varnish (and pair of rubber gloves) doesn’t weigh much at all – or turn me into a feeble girly girl, unable to do anything. I’m still able to fix bikes, put up tents – and do dishes in hot water.

I’m trying to think if I have any other camping quirks, but I don’t think so. I did make a pretty, flowered pillowcase for my sister, because she doesn’t like the feel of her blow-up pillow, but I was too lazy to make one of my own. And most of my gear is very ‘outdoor shop standard’ in varying shades of serious green. So my nails will do as my little bit of silliness and prettiness.

In fact, here’s an idea to run past the Camping Editor: we could start our own range of colours. Nail polish shades always have daft names so we could have fun coming up with them: Tentpeg Teal, Fairylight Mauve, Esprit de Showerblock (pale blue?). And, of course, Serious Green.

Or perhaps we just need one, a distinctive colour that we all paint on at least one finger when camping, so we can spot fellow Camping readers! I think a nice zingy green would be just the thing, reflecting our love of the outdoors.

I’ll be looking out for it, next site I’m on. Even if my other nails are a delicate blush pink, I’ll make sure my right pinkie is Camping à la Chartreuse, and I’ll wave it in the air at every opportunity. If you do the same, we can bond – and please feel free to ask me to lend you my washing-up gloves.

“I love having nice nails, even when I’m essentially living on the ground amid grass, mud and dust”