Ted Connolly
Ted defends traffic wardens.
IT IS unlikely that anybody has compiled an official list of the most disliked sections of society, although it would be simplicity itself to figure out who would be at, or near, the top. The list would definitely include solicitors, because nobody I know likes the legal profession. It seems they spent years learning the fine art of wasting people’s time and money, then hiding behind a load of legal jargon to justify their existence. That is not my opinion, of course, just one that I have heard expressed many times. After all, I’ve just moved house and can report that the solicitors did absolutely nothing to hold up the transaction. Well, not more than by about a month, anyhow.
On the same tack, estate agents are not high on the preferred list of those you would like to spend an evening with. It would be unfair to say that they lie, however they do have the ability – and frequently demonstrate it – to bend the truth to the extent that one degree further and it would snap. During the course of my house move, I looked at a fair few properties and learned that ‘manageable garden’ meant two blades of grass, ‘close to local amenities’ meant next door to a rubbish tip and ‘in need of some updating’ actually meant it should be knocked down to make way for slums.
Now, let’s start on traffic wardens… I’m happy do to that, except that I would rather defend than criticise. It’s a commonly-held belief that their role in life is to catch out motorists to a) be vindictive and b) earn a decent bonus. Well, during the course of my tacky little career, I’ve had many dealings with local councils, the police and traffic wardens and, as a result, learned a great deal.
First, traffic wardens do not earn extra money for issuing tickets. Indeed, they would much rather not have to issue any tickets at all, because each one generates more work. Double and single yellow lines are there for a purpose: to maintain safety. They are generally on main roads, near the brows of hills, near corners, etc – in fact, anywhere that a stationary car could present a hazard.
Parking restrictions also benefit locals. For example, in the joint I’ve just moved to, nobody can park without a permit from 8am to 10am on weekdays. The rules are strictly enforced and even residents get done if they break them. However, the road is close to a railway station (and when I say close, I mean close – I don’t so much pay council tax as have a season ticket) and would be overrun with commuters if there were no restrictions.
I interviewed a senior traffic warden a good while back and he told me he would much rather find the owner of a car parked illegally and get it shifted than issue a ticket. He explained that it was his job to keep traffic moving smoothly and safely, and that much more would be achieved by relocating (as he put it) a vehicle than chastising the owner.
And another point: if you stop on double yellows, it is impossible to plead not guilty to illegal parking should your case come to court. You can put forward mitigating circumstances, but you are guilty simply because you were parked there, whatever the reason.
I know this because I attended just such a court case as a cub reporter decades ago. This matter of law was pointed out by a solicitor. Mind you, I wouldn’t care for him to represent me. A friendly police officer at the hearing later told me that, with this lawyer, you had two chances of getting off: none and a dog’s.