Mark Walton: Amazon is taking over your car

There’s a conspiracy theory going round about your Amazon Alexa device and how it’s secretly listening to everything you say, even when you’re not talking to her. Apparently she sends these overhead conversations to an enormous Amazon warehouse full of AI computers, so that Amazon can sell the data to advertisers; then you can be bombarded by adverts for things you never wanted but talked about over breakfast.

I decided to test this theory by repeatedly talking about lawnmowers, to see if ads would start popping up when I went online. For about a month I talked about lawnmowers every time I was in the same room as our silently brooding Alexa. ‘I wish I had a lawnmower,’ I would blurt out, randomly. ‘If only I knew which lawnmower to choose! Maybe I’ll go online later and SEARCH FOR LAWNMOWERS!’

‘What would you like to eat for supper tonight?’ my wife would ask me, as I left for the office in the mornings. ‘A lawnmower!’ I would reply, provocatively, staring at Alexa. I was so convincing, one evening my wife asked me quietly, as I was brushing my teeth, ‘Do you actually want a lawnmower?’

We don’t have a garden.

Anyway, I can confirm that after my experiment not a single lawnmower advert appeared in my online searches or on my social media feeds. This is either because (a) Alexa heard me talking about testing the conspiracy theory and Amazon’s AI is so sophisticated it knew not to serve up lawnmower ads, so as not to confirm that Alexa was actually listening all along… or (b) because the whole story is a load of rubbish.

I think it’s the latter, because Alexa is so bad at understanding half the things I say, I reckon even if she was spying on me I’d probably get ads for leaf blowers, prawn throwers or swan growers rather than the lawnmower I was actually talking about. Don’t get me wrong: I like Alexa; her voice recognition is technically amazing. But she’s also useless.

Which is why Amazon’s big push into the car industry is worrying. You’re not worried? At the recent CES show in Las Vegas, the retail giant announced new collaborations with Lamborghini and the EV start-up company Rivian. Both will add Alexa voice control to their cars, allowing drivers to ask for directions, control their music and make phone calls. So you’re not planning on buying a Huracan, okay; but Amazon also revealed a tie-up with ExxonMobil that will allow American drivers to fill up with fuel and simply drive away, saying to their car, ‘Alexa, pay for gas.’ Creepy. Then BMW and Fiat Chrysler announced they’re going to start running Amazon’s Fire TV system on their dashboard screens. This is on top of GM’s announcement last year that Alexa will be available in Chevy, Buick and Cadillac cars this year. It’s basically a global takeover.

I appreciate asking Alexa to play Radio 4 while you’re stuck in traffic isn’t exactly a mission-critical task. But Amazon doesn’t just want to turn up your radio, it wants to control your whole car. It wants to drive. That’s why it’s also teamed up with BlackBerry. A few years ago BlackBerry decided the world no longer needed smartphones with millions of tiny buttons, so it’s been developing QNX instead, a software platform for self-driving cars. Now BlackBerry and Amazon will move cars into the sphere of the so-called Internet of Things.

See where this is leading? Soon there won’t be a steering wheel when you get into your car, there won’t be any pedals or a gearshift: there’ll just be a glowing blue disc and a nightmare of miscommunication. ‘Alexa, turn left at the next junction.’

Sorry, I’m having trouble understanding you right now. Please try a little later.

‘Alexa, turn left!’

Henry VII became Tudor king of England in 1485…

‘No! Alexa, stop!’

(Screech) The car is now at a standstill.

‘Oh God I can’t stand it, I’m going to walk. Alexa, open the doors’.

Your lawnmower order has now been completed and your item is on the way.