A question of sport

FINAL RECKONING

If we’re benchmarking these cars against the new Volkswagen T-Roc R (and we are), then the first to be discarded is the Range Rover. But I’m really impressed by this car, and if you told me I had to drive to John O’Groats, right now, just jump in and go, I’d choose the Evoque immediately. Smooth, refined, and with a premium interior that’s so inviting. When you travel by plane, do you want to wait in the first-class lounge or fall asleep on a plastic bench by the departure gate? Exactly.

If the Volkswagen’s ‘R’ badge means we’re judging these cars by their sportiness, the Range Rover fails. But as an alternative take? I like it.

At the opposite end of the scale is the Mini Countryman John Cooper Works. It’s a proper, raucous hot hatch, wrapped up in the more bulbous body of a faux off-roader. It’s fantastic fun to drive and very quick. There’s something pleasingly ‘old school’ about the John Cooper Works – it clearly values driver engagement. It’s a car you could enjoy flinging through every roundabout on your daily commute.

Between these two bookends lie the new T-Roc R and BMW X2. It’s weird. They have so much going for them dynamically, and of course they’re both practical and well made. But there’s something about them both that leaves me cold. It’s the styling: neither is handsome enough; their proportions are awkward on the eye.

And while they do possess a wicked turn of speed, they somehow lack a vital spark of enjoyment. If I had to choose between them, it would be the T-Roc R, because the drivetrain and ride of the new Volkswagen carries over some of the magic of the Golf R. But that hardly represents a clear victory over the BMW, because I’d spend my whole time in the T-Roc wondering why I didn’t just buy the Golf.

So in reality I wouldn’t choose either of them – I’d choose either the Mini or the Range Rover, depending on how many motorway miles I needed to do. Both are more easily understood, with more clearly defined personalities. I don’t ‘get’ the T-Roc or the X2, but the appeal of the Mini and the Evoque is instinctive.

And if we’re judging this cars on sportiness? Then of course the John Cooper Works has to win.