SLAUGHTERHOUSE RULEZ (15)
THERE are few tricks and no treats in writer-director Crispian Mills’ painfully outdated horror comedy.
Don Wallace (Finn Cole) is crestfallen when his mother Babs
( Jo Hartley) secures him a last-minute bed at Slaughterhouse School, where cadet training and golf are part of the curriculum.
“It’s like a very exclusive holiday camp!” Babs promises, leaving her boy in the hands of well-todo room-mate Willoughby (Asa Butterfield).
Don struggles to acclimatise under the reign of headmaster Mr Chapman aka The Bat (Michael Sheen), who has forged an unholy alliance with firm Terrafrack to generate funds for “a dry ski slope and the long overdue prefect spa”.
Drilling in nearby woods opens a sinkhole, which anti-fracking activist Woody (Nick Frost) predicts is “a portal that leads right down to Hell!”
Disfigured beasts which inhabit a labyrinthine cave network beneath the school emerge from the sinkhole to eviscerate terrified pupils and staff including lovesick tutor Meredith Houseman (Simon Pegg, pictured).