All I want for Christmas is a transparent toaster ...or a submarine
The Cosmic Shambles Network is unwrapping a 24-hour online show. MARION MCMULLEN gets festive with some of those taking part
A24-HOUR seasonal smorgasbord of science, comedy, music and more is to be broadcast live online to the world to bring some much needed festive cheer and raise money for charity.
Hosted by Robin Ince, The Cosmic Shambles Network’s production of Nine Lessons And Carols For Socially Distanced People features guests including Professor Brian Cox, singer Sophie Ellis-bextor, Monty Python’s Eric Idle and comedian Milton Jones, as well as Apollo 9 Lunar Module pilot Rusty Schweickart and fellow astronaut Samantha Cristoforetti.
Here a few of the other performers tell us about their Christmas plans.
ROBIN INCE: Comedian, writer and host
What would be your perfect Christmas present?
AS I had a telescope a few years ago I think a microscope then, like my grandfather, I can peer at the Stilton and refuse to eat it until it waves back at me.
How are you hoping to spend Christmas this year?
ALL the great traditions – looking at the night sky to see the International Space Station fly by bringing joy to the children of the world, trying to find a Lego piece that is tiny but vital and climbing into the back of the cupboard to find a bottle of liqueur that no one can remember buying, but is in the shape of a gondola.
JOSIE LONG: Comic
What would be your perfect Christmas present?
A vaccine and then a massive party!
How are you hoping to spend Christmas this year? LISTENING to the Moana soundtrack with my two-year-old daughter and running round the house.
GINNY SMITH: Science radio and TV presenter and performer
What would be your perfect Christmas present?
I HAVE a bit of a thing for sciencethemed fashion, particularly brain related.
I’m always looking to add to my collection of molecule earrings, brain-cell necklaces, and neuronprint dresses.
How are you hoping to spend Christmas this year?
CHRISTMAS this year is going to be a strange one for everyone.
My husband and I recently moved to Singapore and were planning on having Christmas somewhere exciting and tropical – maybe Bali, or a Thai island – but travel restrictions means that’s not possible. They also mean that I now haven’t seen my family for nearly 10 months. So, if I could have anything, it would be to give my parents and gran a hug.
As it is, we will most likely still be in Singapore for Christmas, but we will do our best to make it feel special by cooking our favourite festive treats – even if mince pies in 30 degree heat might take a bit of getting used to!
BEC HILL: Australian comic
What would be your perfect Christmas present?
SNOW! I have never experienced a White Christmas.
How are you hoping to spend Christmas this year?
I’M hoping it will be snowy enough that I will be able to complain omplain about it, at which point I will be accepted as a “true
Brit”.
BOBBY SEAGULL:
Former University Challenge contestant, , of TV’S Monkman & Seagull’s Genius Guide to Britain What would be your perfect Christmas present?
QUIZmaster Jeremy Paxman coming round to host our postChristmas lunch University Challenge!
How are you
hoping to spend Christmas this year?
IF we’re under lockdown, then maybe I can attempt a challenge of 24 hours straight of marking school maths papers with a five minute break every hour to watch Christmas University Challenge.
DR HELEN CZERSKI:
Physicist, oceanographer and broadcaster
What would be your perfect Christmas present?
A TRANSPARENT toaster. I’m all in favour of being able to see inside things to see how they work, and apparently someone has worked out how to do this with a toaster.
Just imagine how satisfying it would be. And no more burnt toast.
Or (if someone really wanted to splash out) my own submarine – also transparent, obviously – so I could park on the ocean floor and watch what goes past.
How are you hoping to spend Christmas this year?
WHAT I’d really like is to dream up some new Christmas traditions and persuade others to join in.
The traditional Christmas is great if that tha works for you, bu but I think there are a quite a few people who are a bit left out and some alternative optio options would be a good a addition. How about
Christmas wildlife-spotting/ counting events that you could join in with at your local park on Christmas morning? Or a big outdoor sing-song of cheesy pop tunes? This might not be the year for singing, though.
Or Paddington Bear-inspired walks around London, with marmalade sandwiches and whisky along the way?
PROFESSOR JIM AL-KHALILI:
Theoretical physicist, author and broadcaster
What would be your perfect Christmas present?
I SHOULD say a vaccine for Covid, but I guess you mean a present for me, and I’m young(ish) fit and healthy. So how about a luxury yacht.
Well you did say the perfect present, so I’m thinking big, even though I know it’ll be socks, a bottle of whisky and a Chocolate Orange.
How are you hoping to spend Christmas this year?
AT home with my wife, along with my son and daughter and their other halves. That makes six. Oh, plus two cats and probably my son’s new dog.
DR DEAN BURNETT:
Neuroscientist, author and stand up comedian
What would be your perfect Christmas present?
THIS year, it would be an effective coronavirus vaccine, one that’s easily manufactured and administered. The best Christmas presents are the ones you can share with others... like games consoles.
How are you hoping to spend Christmas this year?
I’M hoping to spend it with as many of my remaining family members as I can, perfecting my gravy recipe.
We lost my dad to Covid this year, and then my gran, and they were both expert gravy makers. Feel like it’s my job to carry the torch.
■ The 24-hour Christmas special Nine Lessons And Carols For Socially Distanced People starts on December 12.
■ Go to kingsplace.co.uk/ ninelessons for ticket details.