What’s in a name?
ONE afternoon during the festive period, after I’d been sitting in front of my TV set for more than an hour trying to come up with three good reasons why I should plug it in, switch it on and actually watch something, my mind began to wander and strange new thoughts drifted around inside my head.
While a wandering mind full of strange thoughts might be unhelpful if you’re a heart surgeon or an HGV driver carrying a couple of nuclear weapons on the back of your lorry, for anyone in the comedy trade it can be very useful.
Because, if you’re lucky, from those jumbled ideas you might find one that inspires a brand-new routine.
And so it came to pass… Earlier that day I’d heard a song on the radio by Jennifer Lopez and the broadcaster had referred to her by the name her fans prefer, JLO.
Perhaps they’re so exhausted after dancing to her songs they haven’t the energy left to speak her full name. “Jen…nif…! Oh I give up!” Hours later, in front of my silent TV, the thought came to me that in the pop business it’s not uncommon for performers to have unconventional names, like Sting, Shaggy, Seal and Slash.
And, from the moment they first burst on to the scene, the public accept that’s what they call themselves – after the laughter’s died down.
But if, in our everyday lives, we worked with someone who suddenly announced they wanted to be addressed as Stormzy or Fish or Prince, it might lead to some awkward moments – after the laughter’s died down.
If it was Ms Lopez’s idea to reduce her name to what could be the chemical symbol for jelly, it’s an indulgence that should only happen in the pop world.
Because if everybody dropped a handful of letters from their names, think of the consequences….
Bradley Walsh become BRA Wash.
Piers Morgan might become PIE Man. Some may say that’s very appropriate.
Katherine Jenkins become KAT Kins.
Carol Vorderman become CAVE Man.
On reflection, maybe I should have switched the telly on that afternoon.
See you next week.
PHI Lipa might might might